Idle and Blessed

Well, I did the unthinkable. I deactivated my facebook account. God has been hinting at me about it for quite a while, but this week the hinting got pretty noticeable. :) Facebook has always frustrated me because it brings out a lack of self control in me. I am just not one of those people who can self-regulate on it. I literally got on there every time I opened my computer. And every time I looked at my phone. And every time I didn't want to do homework. And every time I was bored. I talked to two different people, randomly, about how they deleted their accounts. And I started noticing what I was doing every time I logged in. Looking at pictures of that girl who got pregnant in the 10th grade, and who now lives in Kentucky? Reading blurbs from the mind of that perpetually drunk frat boy who asked me out one time freshman year? Keeping up with events my friends are going to that I'm not? It just seems a little pointless when I look at it that way. There are some really useful p...

I don’t think I want to go if it means going like last year. Because it made me feel like I was more special than I am. I felt like everyone should know me and talk to me and pay attention to me, Russians and Americans. When the Americans got there, I felt somehow more than them. I knew Russian. I knew the Russians. I knew their lives and their fights and their senses of humor. I could translate and help clear up questions we’ve always had. I was simultaneously an American and a Russian. Better. And I never would have said it, or even thought it coherently. Of course. But that’s just the reality of it. And really, before the team came, I didn’t do anything worthwhile. I sensed this when I left and it bothered me, so I let other people tell me otherwise and I felt better. But it’s true. I really didn’t do anything except expect them to love me. Because I love them. But why would they love me? What did I do all summer? What did I do for them? Did they even understand why I was there? Of ...

It's Justice and Missions Week at Belmont. Aka: a week of inspiration, conviction, questioning, cynicism, hope, defiance, intrigue, and passion. About missions. About justice. About the "least of these," about the globe, about our lives and dreams and commitments; how we change the world, how we love people, how we follow Jesus. Many things have stuck out to me so far this week as I've listened in on the various conversations. "Staying is the new going." "Committing to a place is as radical for Americans in 2010 as crossing the globe was in 1960." "If we aren't doing 'justice' at home, we have no business doing it abroad." "What does your heart break for?" "People committed to justice and missions have a defiant hope ." "There's a real danger in short term mission trips." "'Causes' diminish the humanity of the poor." "Being a person who truly cares about individuals suff...

I got three emails from Russia this morning, and they made my day! Everyone's doing fine. Basic news: Apparently Malish, Din and Inna's cat, is all grown up and misses me. :) Rusik and Vitalik started first grade, are learning to read and write, and are having a hard time with it. Slavik sent pictures of them all dressed up going to school, and they are the CUTEST things I've ever seen!! Karina is, as always, doing great in school. The chickens have started laying eggs. And the fixing-up in the church post-fire is going well, not too much work. I realized I still haven't really blogged about what God has done in me as a result of my time there this summer. I guess I keep waiting until I figure things out, until have something coherent to say, but that time isn't coming. So in this post, I will just type some random snippets of my heart as I reflect on those two months. It's never going to completely make sense to me, I don't think, and it's never going t...