Idle and Blessed

I went to Colorado to fill my lungs with better air. In the wide open spaces. The world tells me there are opposites. There is dark and light, easy and hard, good and evil. I don’t believe it. I know that really dark and light are different sides of the same coin, and that there are always points where they meet. I went to Colorado to see the meeting places. Dawn and dusk are night and day meeting. Dreams are wakefulness and sleep. Beaches are water and ground. Songs are laughter and tears. The mountains are land and sky. My soul holds opposites in tension. I want everything and nothing in this life. I dream big but live small. Academia awaits me, but so do the open spaces. I believe opposites have meeting places. When I’m in the mountains, I’m both land and sky.

The nature of hope is this: we move forward in the dark.   There are few moments of closure in life. Last night was not one of them. Often emotions settle down deep and refuse to leave the premises. They await the end, but the end won't come soon, because we're fighting a system with too many moving parts. Broken. We can articulate our pain, our anger and strongest determination, only in half-sentences.   We went to Jackson. Our prayers for mercy were answered in a way did not expect, and it was late, and it was dark and rainy and cold, and there was never a moment of victory that I could point to. There was no moment of relief to sink into. There was just tension and waiting, hope and worry, laughter and pink candles.   I realized very slowly that Kelly would not die last night.   I think I was just so ready for it to be over that I didn't stop to think she might live. And the living Kelly has seemed like a dream to me. It's the bitterest of sweet things, and the sw...

I am Kelly Gissendaner. I, too, have been angry and bitter. I, too, have wished harm on others. I have been found guilty. I have been sentenced to death. I have found grace in my guilt, and become someone new. I have found hope in dark places. I am Kelly’s executioner. I am complicit in her death. The state kills on my behalf. I have not done all I could do; I have failed to recognize redemption where it is breaking into the world. I have looked on others with eyes that see only their sin. I believe in a system where you are what you do, on your worst days. I distance myself from compassion. I am Gregory Owen . I have broken the law. I have implicated others in my sin. I have gotten a better deal than the people I love. I am voiceless and guilty. I am Kelly’s lawyer. I am fighting for her life. I am nearly powerless; still, moving. I believe my work ends only when I see justice. This story is mine; this story is ours. With the growing media attenti...