Oh, Being 19
Relationships are so complicated in college. I've noticed recently, observing my surroundings, how strong the need to pair up can be in this season of life. I've always been ok being single (which is fortunate, because I've been single 99% of my life), but there are certain environments and situations that make me question the value of singleness. Without fail, when someone I know starts dating, gets engaged, gets married, or complains about not experiencing any of these three, I start to wonder what's wrong with me, and why I'm not experiencing them. This is a powerful testament to the influence of the people you spend time with, really. But back to the point.
Josh showed me a poem once that I always think about when I find in myself a desire to be in a relationship. Here are some lines from it:
No, not until you are satisfied,
Fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone,
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me.
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.
Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship,
That I have planned for you.
You will never be united to another
Until you are united with Me.
Exclusive of anyone or anything else.
Exclusive of any other desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning, to stop wishing, and allow Me to give you
The most thrilling plan existing . . . one you cannot imagine.
I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you.
There's something very disheartening about not being pursued by a guy, not feeling validated in that way. I notice this in almost every girl my age, and as I watch our standards slip to accommodate the lack of mature, Godly men, I wonder why we feel our singleness so deeply.
I think we are afraid that if we don't find our match now, we never will. And the idea of never finding someone is scary. It's a universal impulse.
But then I hear the Lord say things like "only in me is your satisfaction to be found," and "I want you to stop planning, stop wishing..." and I know clearly it's foolish of me to pine after something God is not putting in my path. If it's not in my path, that's purposeful. He didn't forget that I desire a relationship.
I'm working on counteracting the negativity in my own thoughts and words and in the words of those around me with positive truths that God has given us to hold onto. Because as soon as I lift my eyes from my own sinful level of operating, and glimpse Jesus and the big plan He has to reconcile humanity to Himself, these small fears and insecurities vanish. I think sometimes it's a conscious choice for me. Do I choose to believe the Lord right now and continue abiding in Him, or do I choose to allow my own will and hopes and desires to reign in my life? It's a choice. I'm going to work on choosing to believe Him this week -- and always -- because He knows my single heart better than I give Him credit for.
Josh showed me a poem once that I always think about when I find in myself a desire to be in a relationship. Here are some lines from it:
No, not until you are satisfied,
Fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone,
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me.
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me alone.
Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,
Will you be capable of the perfect human relationship,
That I have planned for you.
You will never be united to another
Until you are united with Me.
Exclusive of anyone or anything else.
Exclusive of any other desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning, to stop wishing, and allow Me to give you
The most thrilling plan existing . . . one you cannot imagine.
I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you.
There's something very disheartening about not being pursued by a guy, not feeling validated in that way. I notice this in almost every girl my age, and as I watch our standards slip to accommodate the lack of mature, Godly men, I wonder why we feel our singleness so deeply.
I think we are afraid that if we don't find our match now, we never will. And the idea of never finding someone is scary. It's a universal impulse.
But then I hear the Lord say things like "only in me is your satisfaction to be found," and "I want you to stop planning, stop wishing..." and I know clearly it's foolish of me to pine after something God is not putting in my path. If it's not in my path, that's purposeful. He didn't forget that I desire a relationship.
I'm working on counteracting the negativity in my own thoughts and words and in the words of those around me with positive truths that God has given us to hold onto. Because as soon as I lift my eyes from my own sinful level of operating, and glimpse Jesus and the big plan He has to reconcile humanity to Himself, these small fears and insecurities vanish. I think sometimes it's a conscious choice for me. Do I choose to believe the Lord right now and continue abiding in Him, or do I choose to allow my own will and hopes and desires to reign in my life? It's a choice. I'm going to work on choosing to believe Him this week -- and always -- because He knows my single heart better than I give Him credit for.
"...as I watch our standards slip to accommodate the lack of mature, Godly men, I wonder why we feel our singleness so deeply."
ReplyDeleteGood sentence. I wanna get that tattooed on my chest. But seriously, I think that sentence is what you should remember through all of this. If no one is pursuing you right now, it's because there are not any men that know you who are good enough to recognize what you're worth.
Thank you Cory. That's so encouraging!
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