Just Thinking
I'm slowly wrapping my mind around the fact that I'm leaving in three weeks. Plane tickets are purchased, support cards mailed, travel supplies and gifts mostly bought, and internship meetings are done. I'm looking forward to teaching English this year, visiting the orphanage, speaking Russian, and deepening relationships.
But in the meantime, I'm soaking up these weeks of summer. My time is split between Nashville and Spring Hill, working, friends, family, sun, and rest. These days won't last forever. In fact, they end in part on July 1, when I move into my first apartment in Nashville. I won't live at home anymore in the summers. It's a weird time in life to feel like a chapter is closing, since I'm in the middle of college and everything, but I feel like this is a huge change. A good one, an exciting one, but definitely a change. And I don't like change very much.
I don't like how some of my friends are getting married, graduating, or moving away. I'll miss staying in Sylvan Park with Anna, Tori, and Jess, running on the Greenway, updating the Roomie Tracker. I don't like knowing that this year in Russia will be different than last year. I don't like wondering if I'll see any of my crowd from sophomore year on campus anymore.
But I trust God. I turn 20 in a couple weeks. I have to trust that my 20s will be an even better chapter of life than my teens (no matter how much more scary).
Trusting God is turning out to be a theme here lately. I was telling Jess this morning about how I feel hesitant about Russia, because I wonder if I made the decision to go without having a real reason to. I am a lot less sure this year about being in God's will. But she told me some things that really made me think. First of all, she said she doesn't believe God is cryptic, and that if he wants to stop us from doing something, he'll put up a roadblock. Then she said we sometimes don't feel peace about things, even when we are obeying the Lord, until we begin to see the big picture. Until we see things fall into place, and we see God being glorified and our part in it.
It got me to start thinking that maybe trusting God isn't feeling complete peace throughout the process. Maybe trust just helps us make that step, jump in, and then the peace comes in time. And certainly Jesus didn't do what he did to redeem us, to call us his own, only to confuse us or make our steps deliberately unclear. I think just walking with him is enough security for me to know he won't let me mistake a lie for his voice.
But in the meantime, I'm soaking up these weeks of summer. My time is split between Nashville and Spring Hill, working, friends, family, sun, and rest. These days won't last forever. In fact, they end in part on July 1, when I move into my first apartment in Nashville. I won't live at home anymore in the summers. It's a weird time in life to feel like a chapter is closing, since I'm in the middle of college and everything, but I feel like this is a huge change. A good one, an exciting one, but definitely a change. And I don't like change very much.
I don't like how some of my friends are getting married, graduating, or moving away. I'll miss staying in Sylvan Park with Anna, Tori, and Jess, running on the Greenway, updating the Roomie Tracker. I don't like knowing that this year in Russia will be different than last year. I don't like wondering if I'll see any of my crowd from sophomore year on campus anymore.
But I trust God. I turn 20 in a couple weeks. I have to trust that my 20s will be an even better chapter of life than my teens (no matter how much more scary).
Trusting God is turning out to be a theme here lately. I was telling Jess this morning about how I feel hesitant about Russia, because I wonder if I made the decision to go without having a real reason to. I am a lot less sure this year about being in God's will. But she told me some things that really made me think. First of all, she said she doesn't believe God is cryptic, and that if he wants to stop us from doing something, he'll put up a roadblock. Then she said we sometimes don't feel peace about things, even when we are obeying the Lord, until we begin to see the big picture. Until we see things fall into place, and we see God being glorified and our part in it.
It got me to start thinking that maybe trusting God isn't feeling complete peace throughout the process. Maybe trust just helps us make that step, jump in, and then the peace comes in time. And certainly Jesus didn't do what he did to redeem us, to call us his own, only to confuse us or make our steps deliberately unclear. I think just walking with him is enough security for me to know he won't let me mistake a lie for his voice.
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