Discernment and Transitions
My life looks almost nothing like it did six weeks ago. I'm not managing Simply anymore; I've lost some friends and gained others. I have a full tuition scholarship to a Divinity School I had never heard of. I'm no longer considering taking a year off after Belmont, and my time in Nashville is wrapping up almost without my permission. Five months till I'm a college graduate. Oh, and I have a kitten.
I work at Pure Barre. It's not Pilates and it's not "my" studio, but I feel comfortable there and I'm happy to be in that environment. Not to mention I'll be in killer shape from working out there. :)
I feel like I'm in a position of discerning what I want. I'm learning myself. Learning what I rejoice over and what gives me life, as well as what drains me of motivation and purpose.
I believe in Pilates and fitness, and I'm good at managing studios. I like it. I have a passion for theology and ethics. I don't get tired of learning and writing and questioning. I love languages and miss Russian all the time. These are things that endure in me, and they're the direction I'm hoping my future takes.
And then there are things I need to let go.
There are things that no longer serve me, that I need to release with open hands. Things that are good, but coming to an end for me, like Belmont. Nashville. Simply Balanced. Etcetera.
I'm also in a season of discerning how much power to use. I'm learning just because God gives me the ability to do something doesn't mean I should do it. Not always. Sometimes God says, "Here. I trust you with this position. Now what is best for you to do?" And sometimes it is best to do nothing. To let go. To move on. Jesus gave up his power; he didn't hold onto his position of privilege. I really believe there are times God gives us that choice as well. Are you going to exercise power just because you have it, or are you going to try to choose a better way?
God wants us to be whole. He cares almost exclusively about our character and who we are. I may not love where I am right now, and I may wish I was in another position. But God saw my life, saw my future, and thought he needed to clear some things away to get me there. And it's going to be for his purposes, my wholeness, my Christ-likeness.
This is not a season for rest. It is a season of major transition. And it is tiring, it is emotional, it feels like more than I can handle. It is discernment and hard questions, it is making room for what's next. I choose to trust. I choose to face it head-on. I choose to do what I must to get through the weeks, and to call my mom often, and to pray long prayers. I choose to move in the direction of my bliss, my passion.
It's gonna be worth it.
I work at Pure Barre. It's not Pilates and it's not "my" studio, but I feel comfortable there and I'm happy to be in that environment. Not to mention I'll be in killer shape from working out there. :)
I feel like I'm in a position of discerning what I want. I'm learning myself. Learning what I rejoice over and what gives me life, as well as what drains me of motivation and purpose.
I believe in Pilates and fitness, and I'm good at managing studios. I like it. I have a passion for theology and ethics. I don't get tired of learning and writing and questioning. I love languages and miss Russian all the time. These are things that endure in me, and they're the direction I'm hoping my future takes.
And then there are things I need to let go.
There are things that no longer serve me, that I need to release with open hands. Things that are good, but coming to an end for me, like Belmont. Nashville. Simply Balanced. Etcetera.
I'm also in a season of discerning how much power to use. I'm learning just because God gives me the ability to do something doesn't mean I should do it. Not always. Sometimes God says, "Here. I trust you with this position. Now what is best for you to do?" And sometimes it is best to do nothing. To let go. To move on. Jesus gave up his power; he didn't hold onto his position of privilege. I really believe there are times God gives us that choice as well. Are you going to exercise power just because you have it, or are you going to try to choose a better way?
God wants us to be whole. He cares almost exclusively about our character and who we are. I may not love where I am right now, and I may wish I was in another position. But God saw my life, saw my future, and thought he needed to clear some things away to get me there. And it's going to be for his purposes, my wholeness, my Christ-likeness.
This is not a season for rest. It is a season of major transition. And it is tiring, it is emotional, it feels like more than I can handle. It is discernment and hard questions, it is making room for what's next. I choose to trust. I choose to face it head-on. I choose to do what I must to get through the weeks, and to call my mom often, and to pray long prayers. I choose to move in the direction of my bliss, my passion.
It's gonna be worth it.
Jordan, I loved this and will be praying for you and with you. I can relate to a lot of what you are going through as well. Thank you for putting your thoughts into words. ~
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