Not at the Expense
Dr. Allen has been the second most helpful professor to me here so far. We all know who the first is. I'm still doing a good job not stalking him though, by the way.
So anyway, Dr. Allen is really earning my trust, which is the only reason I would listen to someone talk about calling God by feminine terms at this particular time of my life.
We were in class talking about the names we use for God while praying. I said I wasn't comfortable calling God feminine names like 'Mother' and I don't do it. It's not that my theology prevents it. I know God is neither male nor female. I know God is masculine and feminine together. I just can't pray to my God as She.
He affirmed me by saying we can have all the right theology about how God isn't masculine and still have a hard time not picturing God as a man. Right? I mean, I don't care how theologically progressive you are, if you pray to the Christian God as 'Mother' you're in the minority.
I asked if I should pray this way intentionally and hope my mindset will follow to gender neutrality. He said, "Not at the expense of your intimacy with God."
Inhale, exhale. Sit back in my chair.
Okay.
Okay, thank you. I can work with this.
His answer is becoming a theme in how I process seminary right now. All this uprooting and searching and questioning we are doing is all well and good; it all has a place in the preparation of our minds and hearts for ministry and theological leadership. It has a place in making us better thinkers and ethicists, better and more useful leaders of people. But there is very little value in any of it if it is at the expense of our intimacy with God.
In finding a Divinity School I was intentional in choosing one that would not hamper my spiritual growth. I just couldn't articulate it quite like Dr. Allen did that day. And I firmly believe that all the stretching, the envelope pushing, the finding of the edges, is crucial for the health of my relationship with God. If I continue to grasp my solely masculine God, for example, I create an idol image of who God is and it is false. I miss out on worshiping the whole of God. And yet, if I force it, I miss God altogether and pull myself away.
There has to be a holistic, slow process to all of this stuff. I have to be ready for the steps I take. My view of scripture has taken time. All of this takes time.
And so I just beg those of us who are serious about studying theology to take our time. To question it all, to read it all, but to do nothing at the expense of our intimacy with the Living God. And may our institutions of learning reflect this as a value, in theory and practice. May our professors not force the relinquishing of tradition and conservativism. Please, please. Otherwise we will not create good leaders for God's Church and Christ's Kingdom. Otherwise we will be hollow and hypocritical people. We can do so much better.
So anyway, Dr. Allen is really earning my trust, which is the only reason I would listen to someone talk about calling God by feminine terms at this particular time of my life.
We were in class talking about the names we use for God while praying. I said I wasn't comfortable calling God feminine names like 'Mother' and I don't do it. It's not that my theology prevents it. I know God is neither male nor female. I know God is masculine and feminine together. I just can't pray to my God as She.
He affirmed me by saying we can have all the right theology about how God isn't masculine and still have a hard time not picturing God as a man. Right? I mean, I don't care how theologically progressive you are, if you pray to the Christian God as 'Mother' you're in the minority.
I asked if I should pray this way intentionally and hope my mindset will follow to gender neutrality. He said, "Not at the expense of your intimacy with God."
Inhale, exhale. Sit back in my chair.
Okay.
Okay, thank you. I can work with this.
His answer is becoming a theme in how I process seminary right now. All this uprooting and searching and questioning we are doing is all well and good; it all has a place in the preparation of our minds and hearts for ministry and theological leadership. It has a place in making us better thinkers and ethicists, better and more useful leaders of people. But there is very little value in any of it if it is at the expense of our intimacy with God.
In finding a Divinity School I was intentional in choosing one that would not hamper my spiritual growth. I just couldn't articulate it quite like Dr. Allen did that day. And I firmly believe that all the stretching, the envelope pushing, the finding of the edges, is crucial for the health of my relationship with God. If I continue to grasp my solely masculine God, for example, I create an idol image of who God is and it is false. I miss out on worshiping the whole of God. And yet, if I force it, I miss God altogether and pull myself away.
There has to be a holistic, slow process to all of this stuff. I have to be ready for the steps I take. My view of scripture has taken time. All of this takes time.
And so I just beg those of us who are serious about studying theology to take our time. To question it all, to read it all, but to do nothing at the expense of our intimacy with the Living God. And may our institutions of learning reflect this as a value, in theory and practice. May our professors not force the relinquishing of tradition and conservativism. Please, please. Otherwise we will not create good leaders for God's Church and Christ's Kingdom. Otherwise we will be hollow and hypocritical people. We can do so much better.
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