Idle and Blessed

The Russia team is currently somewhere in the space between Nashville International and the foothills of the Caucasus Mountains. If I close my eyes I can see what they’re seeing, as they get off that cramped 9-hour flight and make their way through customs in a dim fluorescent hallway. They hear a foreign language; they search for luggage with sleepy eyes. They count heads and move out toward the sunlight and mild summer air of Moscow, trying to decide between sleep and exploring the new-yet-familiar world of the Capital City. I can see what those gray streets look like, what the Kremlin looks like at night all lit up in lights; I can hear the Red Square clock chiming. I can feel the whoosh of air in the underground Metro, and the embrace of dear friends I’ve not seen in a year. The dear Moscow-dwelling friends who’ve been the hands of God to me since before I understood a word of their language, or they of mine. I know the terror of the Aeroflot plane...

The best thing about running a loop is starting and ending in the same spot. The best thing about starting and ending in the same spot is that you know no matter how steep the hills, no matter how hard, you always get to go down the other side. Net elevation gain zero. Right now I'm running up a life hill, steep and rocky. I can't see the top and it feels like I've been doing more uphill than downhill lately. But the Bible says the story started in a place called Eden, and it says we'll end up in Eden too. I believe God means to tell us it will all be made right and all these uphills have other sides to them. Net elevation gain zero. "And the Lord God planted a garden in Eden, in the east, and there he put the man whom he had formed. And out of the ground the Lord God make to spring up every tree that is pleasant to the sight and good for food. The tree of life was in the midst of the garden , and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil." Genesis 2:8...

If you're ever wondering if God exists, go outside when the air gets cool, when the crickets start singing, and sit still. Look out over the earth, to the horizon where the black trees have for their outline a sky that's halfway between night and day, and sit still. Watch the blackness get deeper and hear the bullfrogs start talking down by the water and notice how the world lights up with tiny fireflies everywhere. See the fireflies? Then, believe.

Sometimes I walk dogs and sometimes I take care of children and what I have realized is we have a lot to learn from them. For instance, when I’m holding onto a leash and I say it’s safe to cross the street, the dog doesn’t question that; he crosses. He doesn’t start to get creative and independent in the thinking and decide I might be tricking him. He doesn’t think I’m probably leading him into danger because he needs to learn a lesson; he doesn’t assume getting run over by a car is my hope for him. Maybe he’s just clued into the fact that I would get hit by the car too, so I’ll be really careful. I don’t know. I just know he trusts my timing. Also, he follows me around the house. I’m talking everywhere . I put my glass in the sink, he comes. I brush my teeth, he comes. I go to the table to study, he comes. Watching TV, he’s at my feet. Go make dinner, at my feet. This is a creature completely in tune with my presence, completely in tune with my actions and voice a...

You can’t run every race in a lab. There will always be people in your way those first few miles, there will either be a cold start or a hot finish, and you’ll always have to choose between water and the extra 10 seconds. There will be hills and bad pavement and a hot sun; there will be blisters or tight hip flexors or stabbing ankles. Sometimes you will cross the finish line with more left to give, sometimes you’ll barely jog over it, and sometimes you’ll be in bare shoes-kicked-off feet running over gravel. But you’ll always, always cross it. And most of the time you’ll be surprised at your new PR, but sometimes you’ll groan at the sight of the clock and I just want to remind you that the important part is what you feel in the last ninety seconds. You pick up the pace and you survey your effort level and you give it everything you have. As the legs move numb and the mind zeros in, the skin tingles and you feel only good things and there it is, the euphoria ...

So life after college is fun. If your idea of fun is intense pressure to know where you're going, why, and what your salary will be. I can assure you I would be having a life crisis right now if I didn't have grad school plans for the fall. But since I do, I feel like I'm in the eye of a hurricane: in the thick of the storm without feeling its effects. If I were looking for a full time, adult job right now, I would be lost and very likely I'd still be babysitting 30 hours/week instead. The part-time job of caring for children every day is challenging, but it feels less than purposeful. I may be perfectly happy with it for now, but I didn't go to a private university for four years to earn a religion degree to clean up after multiple kids under the age of 6. There's too much debt involved for one, not to mention all the knowledge of ethical paradigms I'm not using. You feel me? The truth is I want to be needed. And not just needed for food, rules, nap t...

In my heart right now there are roughly 3 billion prayers going on. My best friend and her future. My brother and his freshman year of college. My families in Russia. The Russia Family Camp team leaving in a few weeks. Family Camp. New Life Church in Karachaevsk. The pastors of New Life. The hurt and pain and division there. The orphans there. The orphans I met once and haven't seen again but I see their faces when I sleep sometimes. My move to Atlanta. The next three years. Finding a new church and home. Finding new friends. Perseverance in this next season. My future regarding Russia. For me to do everything even now , in this seemingly meaningless summer, as for the Lord. To know what it looks like to be led by the Spirit, and trust it. To move away from pride, selfishness. Russia. Russia again. I know most of you who read my blog are people who pray. And that's why I am posting this here, even though I usually don't. I am in...