Nashville Life

Jesus knew I needed to see the UM team today.

I'm sitting at Bongo using the internet since the connection at my new apartment is sporadic and annoying. When I walked in here an hour ago, I saw all of the UM staff sitting at a table with our new Missionary Residents. I haven't felt so happy to see Belmont staff ever before. Christy gave me a big hug and then they asked me about Russia and I talked about missions for a while. And then Micah told me to come by the office soon and chat more about Russia, sophomore slump (which in theory should be gone...), and life.

I feel like maybe I have a real community here at Belmont, I just forget sometimes.

Especially when school hasn't started yet, no one is here, and I'm in a brand new apartment with a brand new roommate.

So although I never pictured myself ever saying this, I can't wait for school to start. I can't wait to have people around me who know me, support me, keep me connected, and remind me I have a life in America. Because I know I do; I remember being in Nashville the past two years and actually loving it, so these past few days of hating it have to be a mirage...

Every year I expect coming home from Russia to get easier. I expect to hold on to the feeling of excitement I get on the plane, or the moment I realize I'm on US soil and my cell phone works again. I don't understand why going over there feels so normal by now, but coming home still rocks my world.

It's not that I want to be back there necessarily. (Ok, sometimes I do...) I just don't understand what it means to live here in Nashville in light of what I just experienced in the Caucuses. I don't know how God wants me to handle the emotions that come along with seeing my family there only once a year, and having the privilege of coming back to America afterwards and drinking lattes at coffee shops.

I'm well aware that at this point I'm a broken record. I should just repost what I wrote last year this time and save myself the trouble of typing it all again :)

The difference this year, though, is that I have very few people around me to help me stumble through all of this. I remember having breakdowns last year and Sarah helping me pick up the pieces. Or Cory and MJ and other House Church people calling me to come over for breakfast and talk about it. But this whole alone thing is turning out to be really rough.

But life will pick up soon.

I start teaching a Kindergarten Sunday School this weekend. I'm really excited to get involved with the Learning Center again. I feel like this is a way for me to begin treating home like a mission field, not just Russia. I was convicted earlier in the year about using my gift of children's ministry only once a year, only in the foreign ministry context, and not at my home church. So I'm delighted to start serving the kiddos at my own church this year, and I'm looking forward to seeing how serving my local church ties me to people there like it did/does in Russia.

And then I have UM Student Leadership training a few days next week...then I'll help with both move-in days with the other Student Leaders...and then school starts along with my second job. Chances are I'll be wishing for this "I'm lonely and bored and emotional" phase before long :)

Besides, isn't the human memory a strange thing? Each year this post-Russia funk fades as my memory of my time there fades. It is kinda sad, but kinda great, because it's just too emotionally and spiritually debilitating to constantly remember the faces of those scrawny orphans and sweet New Life Church Sunday School kids.

Again, like always, these thoughts just make me look forward to a new heaven and a new earth.

Come, Lord Jesus.