Staying Positive
I didn't start missing everyone until I was about six and a half hours into our Moscow to NYC flight. I had grabbed my prayer journal and started talking to the Lord about how excited I was to go home, but within two sentences my tone had changed to sadness.
"I've been excited and yearning for home for a week now. But sitting on this plane today I am mourning the difficulty of this ministry you've given me. I am mourning the difficulty of getting to that part of the world - logistically, physically, and emotionally. I miss my Tanya's. My Nadya and baby girl, my Karina and Rusik and Tima. But I don't see myself going back to them next year, and that breaks my heart and brings me relief simultaneously, because although I desperately love those people, I am tired and my body has been put through the wringer and I miss my home."
Conflicted. Mixed feelings are not new to me - I pretty much have mixed feelings about everything in life - but with Russia trips, they are the norm.
I wish that weren't the case. I wish I was 100% content to be home when I'm home and 100% content to be in Russia when I'm there. I wish I was always purely joyful in obedience to the Lord when He tells me "go" or "stay." I wish it wasn't so hard to get there and stay there, so hard and yet impossible not to. But the truth is that I feel like I have two homes, and I'm almost never free of the feeling of division because of that.
Maybe it's strange to feel like Karachaevsk is home. But really it's because that's where the Lord has commissioned me to join in His Kingdom work, and those are the people he has engraved on my heart, and by some miracle of the Holy Spirit I feel connected to that part of the world. At least that's how I explain it to myself :)
So as I go through Russia withdrawals, I'm trying to think of constructive things to do with the love-burden on my heart for New Life Church. Here's where YOU come in.
Remember the orphanage I wrote about? Well, I asked what I could do to help those children. I was encouraged to collect used clothes for kids ages 7-17, and ship them over. It's a tricky thing because of the cost of postage as well as the tendency for packages to NOT reach their destination over there...but it's a very real and very tangible way to directly help those kids. (Buying clothes over there is really expensive for volunteers, so it usually doesn't happen.)
There are a few other packages I am hoping to send in the near future, if I can save up enough money for postage. I'd like to gather some used baby supplies for Nadya (bottles, clothes, burp cloths...), as well as a few things for my other families.
If you are able and willing to help, would you please email me (earthtojordan@charter.net), comment on here, or contact me in some other way? Hopefully I will be able to get the word out in different ways in the next few months about the need for used clothing! I know almost every family has a "too-small/Goodwill" pile in the back of their kids' closets!
Here is a list of what I'm looking for:
Boys Clothes (ages 7-17)
Girls Clothes (ages 7-17)
Winter Coats
Socks/Underwear
Winter Apparel - mittens, gloves, hats
And baby supplies are also appreciated.
When finishing that entry in my prayer journal on the plane, I ended with two thoughts. First, I thanked the Lord for my part in this Russia thing, for entrusting me with the relationships and responsibilities He has. And then I thanked Him for my home, for the place He's placed me on earth, the culture He chose to be mine while I'm here.
Because even though I have mixed feelings about both, I am in awe of the privilege He has given me - the blessings that come with being an American and feeling at home here, the joy and challenge of being able to affect lives in the Caucuses...So I hope and pray that in the coming year, as I jump back into Belmont, UM, 2 jobs, church, Sunday School, etc, I will neither take America for granted nor forget the opportunity I have to help my Russian family even from afar.
"I've been excited and yearning for home for a week now. But sitting on this plane today I am mourning the difficulty of this ministry you've given me. I am mourning the difficulty of getting to that part of the world - logistically, physically, and emotionally. I miss my Tanya's. My Nadya and baby girl, my Karina and Rusik and Tima. But I don't see myself going back to them next year, and that breaks my heart and brings me relief simultaneously, because although I desperately love those people, I am tired and my body has been put through the wringer and I miss my home."
Conflicted. Mixed feelings are not new to me - I pretty much have mixed feelings about everything in life - but with Russia trips, they are the norm.
I wish that weren't the case. I wish I was 100% content to be home when I'm home and 100% content to be in Russia when I'm there. I wish I was always purely joyful in obedience to the Lord when He tells me "go" or "stay." I wish it wasn't so hard to get there and stay there, so hard and yet impossible not to. But the truth is that I feel like I have two homes, and I'm almost never free of the feeling of division because of that.
Maybe it's strange to feel like Karachaevsk is home. But really it's because that's where the Lord has commissioned me to join in His Kingdom work, and those are the people he has engraved on my heart, and by some miracle of the Holy Spirit I feel connected to that part of the world. At least that's how I explain it to myself :)
So as I go through Russia withdrawals, I'm trying to think of constructive things to do with the love-burden on my heart for New Life Church. Here's where YOU come in.
Remember the orphanage I wrote about? Well, I asked what I could do to help those children. I was encouraged to collect used clothes for kids ages 7-17, and ship them over. It's a tricky thing because of the cost of postage as well as the tendency for packages to NOT reach their destination over there...but it's a very real and very tangible way to directly help those kids. (Buying clothes over there is really expensive for volunteers, so it usually doesn't happen.)
There are a few other packages I am hoping to send in the near future, if I can save up enough money for postage. I'd like to gather some used baby supplies for Nadya (bottles, clothes, burp cloths...), as well as a few things for my other families.
If you are able and willing to help, would you please email me (earthtojordan@charter.net), comment on here, or contact me in some other way? Hopefully I will be able to get the word out in different ways in the next few months about the need for used clothing! I know almost every family has a "too-small/Goodwill" pile in the back of their kids' closets!
Here is a list of what I'm looking for:
Boys Clothes (ages 7-17)
Girls Clothes (ages 7-17)
Winter Coats
Socks/Underwear
Winter Apparel - mittens, gloves, hats
And baby supplies are also appreciated.
When finishing that entry in my prayer journal on the plane, I ended with two thoughts. First, I thanked the Lord for my part in this Russia thing, for entrusting me with the relationships and responsibilities He has. And then I thanked Him for my home, for the place He's placed me on earth, the culture He chose to be mine while I'm here.
Because even though I have mixed feelings about both, I am in awe of the privilege He has given me - the blessings that come with being an American and feeling at home here, the joy and challenge of being able to affect lives in the Caucuses...So I hope and pray that in the coming year, as I jump back into Belmont, UM, 2 jobs, church, Sunday School, etc, I will neither take America for granted nor forget the opportunity I have to help my Russian family even from afar.
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