Treasure
****A Prayer Written on Thanksgiving One Year Ago****
Giver,
You have blessed me with so much. I'm frustrated with myself, with this broken situation humans find ourselves in, because we grab onto things and store them up and have a really hard time doing anything else. I'm like those monkeys or birds who see glittery shiny things and hide them away, you know. It's embarrassing.
My plans. My home, my family, my ideas, my school. My food, my money, my friends. My books, my clothes, my computer, my bed, my phone. It's just that I get nervous and heated and defensive when I feel like "my stuff" is in danger of not being mine.
It's the stupidest thing in the world. Because none of this stuff is mine at all, it's not intended to be.
It's such a curious thing, this human addiction to things and the compulsion to store them up. Especially when I've been commanded and commissioned to do the opposite.
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." -Matthew 6:19-21
"Lay up." I love the author's wording there, because that's exactly what we do. We lay up little treasures. All our lives. I think we expect storing sentimental things will keep us connected to happiness and people and memories longer, but in reality they're holding us down.
Mom told me once, "Don't keep stuff, Jordan, really. You'll get to the end of your life and it will be a burden. Give it; go through life giving the stuff of life away."
Do not lay up for yourself treasures on earth.
But I like treasure. Some things are just so precious to me.
I think a lot of times I read Scripture like a collection of wise sayings. Not always, but sometimes. Like Chinese proverbs or Ghandi quotes. I reflect and think about how nice the ideas are and all. And I think about how true they are and how beautiful it would be if my life reflected them. And it's almost like I hope my life gravitates toward those truths like a Jedi power-of-the-force kind of thing. I want to be like Jesus. I wish I would start actually loving people and feeding the poor. Man, that would be so great and so beautiful.
But then I read verses like Matthew 6:19-21 and I just can't think like that anymore. These are not nuggets of grandfather-like wisdom, they're commands and commissions and descriptions of what Christ-lives have looked like in the past. Your words are truth, but we won't gravitate towards them. We will never stop storing up for ourselves if we look at this as a lifestyle suggestion. It takes some serious dying to self to be like Jesus. It takes some real command-following and cross-taking-up and blind obedience.
But you know, I'm really weak and worldly most of the time, and even though I realize these things, it's extremely difficult to flesh them out. I'd love to believe that I'll wake up tomorrow and obey You perfectly and not hold on to things anymore and give my stuff away and meet needs and store up treasure in heaven...but I'll probably be as selfish and single-minded as I was today, on Thanksgiving, eating my meal and being selfish.
Lord, save me.
But my one glimmer of hope is that you might be starting to shift my heart. Because I really just kept wanting to pack up some plates of food and go feed people.
"You cannot serve both God and mammon." -Mt. 6
Giver,
You have blessed me with so much. I'm frustrated with myself, with this broken situation humans find ourselves in, because we grab onto things and store them up and have a really hard time doing anything else. I'm like those monkeys or birds who see glittery shiny things and hide them away, you know. It's embarrassing.
My plans. My home, my family, my ideas, my school. My food, my money, my friends. My books, my clothes, my computer, my bed, my phone. It's just that I get nervous and heated and defensive when I feel like "my stuff" is in danger of not being mine.
It's the stupidest thing in the world. Because none of this stuff is mine at all, it's not intended to be.
It's such a curious thing, this human addiction to things and the compulsion to store them up. Especially when I've been commanded and commissioned to do the opposite.
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." -Matthew 6:19-21
"Lay up." I love the author's wording there, because that's exactly what we do. We lay up little treasures. All our lives. I think we expect storing sentimental things will keep us connected to happiness and people and memories longer, but in reality they're holding us down.
Mom told me once, "Don't keep stuff, Jordan, really. You'll get to the end of your life and it will be a burden. Give it; go through life giving the stuff of life away."
Do not lay up for yourself treasures on earth.
But I like treasure. Some things are just so precious to me.
I think a lot of times I read Scripture like a collection of wise sayings. Not always, but sometimes. Like Chinese proverbs or Ghandi quotes. I reflect and think about how nice the ideas are and all. And I think about how true they are and how beautiful it would be if my life reflected them. And it's almost like I hope my life gravitates toward those truths like a Jedi power-of-the-force kind of thing. I want to be like Jesus. I wish I would start actually loving people and feeding the poor. Man, that would be so great and so beautiful.
But then I read verses like Matthew 6:19-21 and I just can't think like that anymore. These are not nuggets of grandfather-like wisdom, they're commands and commissions and descriptions of what Christ-lives have looked like in the past. Your words are truth, but we won't gravitate towards them. We will never stop storing up for ourselves if we look at this as a lifestyle suggestion. It takes some serious dying to self to be like Jesus. It takes some real command-following and cross-taking-up and blind obedience.
But you know, I'm really weak and worldly most of the time, and even though I realize these things, it's extremely difficult to flesh them out. I'd love to believe that I'll wake up tomorrow and obey You perfectly and not hold on to things anymore and give my stuff away and meet needs and store up treasure in heaven...but I'll probably be as selfish and single-minded as I was today, on Thanksgiving, eating my meal and being selfish.
Lord, save me.
But my one glimmer of hope is that you might be starting to shift my heart. Because I really just kept wanting to pack up some plates of food and go feed people.
"You cannot serve both God and mammon." -Mt. 6
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