Creating
There are types of weather and types of places and certain musical genres that lend themselves to creativity, and I've been around none of them lately. But when I settle into my chair by the window in room 400, where we sometimes go for Psychology of Religion class, and Dr. Curtis starts to read his poems for the day, I close my eyes and remember I was made to create.
I write. It's not the primary thing I do, but I write. And I've had plenty of blog posts stirring in me this semester that haven't made their way into my fingers simply because the primary things have been demanding.
Work at the studio. Homework for sociology. Reading entire books in a day for Colloquium. Translating the book of Jonah. On to Job. Applying to 5 Divinity Schools. Visiting McAfee with Mom and interviewing for a merit scholarship with THE David Gushee. Running races. Training for next season. Writing a couple papers per week.
You get the picture.
But then there's the moments of clarity in Dr. McEntire's office when this Bible thing clicks and I understand deeply. For 50 minutes I am allowed to focus all my attention on taking it seriously for all it is, academic and devotional. And those moments remind me I was made to create.
On Saturday mornings when I get up early enough to take Pilates and go Edgehill after, I notice the sunshine and the flowers in the vases and how comforting it is to live in this city, and I remember I was made to create.
We create our lives. God does too, and ultimately, but here we are making choices about where we go and what we value. We make choices like "I'll go to seminary in North Carolina," or "I'll stay where I'm comfortable," or "I'll take a year off to wander and build sandcastles." And when we make these choices we are being creative with the canvases of our lives.
We walk through doors that sometimes are not open. At least, if we're brave. We kick down doors sometimes and decide to add a new color to our lives. We write our lives.
Occasionally I spend time thinking and praying about God's will for my next step. We all do if we're trying to follow Him, probably. But I don't spend a ton of time doing that. I know that sounds bad initially, but the reason is because I think God wants me to create and not just find my pre-determined path and walk it.
"I used to think my calling was hidden from me like a high-stakes treasure hunt, and I needed to find it. But now I know God's calling on my life is to be a particular kind of person. It's not the situations in my life but how I live into the situations that I see as my vocation." - Mark McEntire
So we write. And we choose to lean into our lives with integrity and hope. And we notice who God is asking us to be, to become. These are the big tasks of life. Where we go to seminary is secondary. And we don't have to worry about Him calling us to two opposing tasks. He won't tell me, "Stay in Nashville," and "Go to Duke Divinity," at the same time. In large part he may be calling me to make the decision myself, consistent with who He is calling me to be and the things He is calling me to value.
When I feel ready to create something with words and paint pictures with them, I know I'm doing ok. I can never write when I'm not doing ok. And I think the same can be true about our lives. When we are ready to create with our lives and make decisions that make our stories more beautiful and redemptive, we are doing ok. We are at our best then. We are joyful then, resting in the Ground beyond ourselves by which we are sustained. We don't fear then, because we know what comes from our paintbrushes will be new and good.
And I don't want to be afraid of what happens when I paint my life. I want to be the way I am when I curl up in my chair by the window in room 400. Ready to hear with my eyes closed, ready to walk down any road without fear, knowing God's hand is on my life profoundly. Knowing that anywhere I go, He is already there.
I write. It's not the primary thing I do, but I write. And I've had plenty of blog posts stirring in me this semester that haven't made their way into my fingers simply because the primary things have been demanding.
Work at the studio. Homework for sociology. Reading entire books in a day for Colloquium. Translating the book of Jonah. On to Job. Applying to 5 Divinity Schools. Visiting McAfee with Mom and interviewing for a merit scholarship with THE David Gushee. Running races. Training for next season. Writing a couple papers per week.
You get the picture.
But then there's the moments of clarity in Dr. McEntire's office when this Bible thing clicks and I understand deeply. For 50 minutes I am allowed to focus all my attention on taking it seriously for all it is, academic and devotional. And those moments remind me I was made to create.
On Saturday mornings when I get up early enough to take Pilates and go Edgehill after, I notice the sunshine and the flowers in the vases and how comforting it is to live in this city, and I remember I was made to create.
We create our lives. God does too, and ultimately, but here we are making choices about where we go and what we value. We make choices like "I'll go to seminary in North Carolina," or "I'll stay where I'm comfortable," or "I'll take a year off to wander and build sandcastles." And when we make these choices we are being creative with the canvases of our lives.
We walk through doors that sometimes are not open. At least, if we're brave. We kick down doors sometimes and decide to add a new color to our lives. We write our lives.
Occasionally I spend time thinking and praying about God's will for my next step. We all do if we're trying to follow Him, probably. But I don't spend a ton of time doing that. I know that sounds bad initially, but the reason is because I think God wants me to create and not just find my pre-determined path and walk it.
"I used to think my calling was hidden from me like a high-stakes treasure hunt, and I needed to find it. But now I know God's calling on my life is to be a particular kind of person. It's not the situations in my life but how I live into the situations that I see as my vocation." - Mark McEntire
So we write. And we choose to lean into our lives with integrity and hope. And we notice who God is asking us to be, to become. These are the big tasks of life. Where we go to seminary is secondary. And we don't have to worry about Him calling us to two opposing tasks. He won't tell me, "Stay in Nashville," and "Go to Duke Divinity," at the same time. In large part he may be calling me to make the decision myself, consistent with who He is calling me to be and the things He is calling me to value.
When I feel ready to create something with words and paint pictures with them, I know I'm doing ok. I can never write when I'm not doing ok. And I think the same can be true about our lives. When we are ready to create with our lives and make decisions that make our stories more beautiful and redemptive, we are doing ok. We are at our best then. We are joyful then, resting in the Ground beyond ourselves by which we are sustained. We don't fear then, because we know what comes from our paintbrushes will be new and good.
And I don't want to be afraid of what happens when I paint my life. I want to be the way I am when I curl up in my chair by the window in room 400. Ready to hear with my eyes closed, ready to walk down any road without fear, knowing God's hand is on my life profoundly. Knowing that anywhere I go, He is already there.
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