Eating Humble Pie
There's nothing like realizing it's the deadline for a scholarship essay and somehow pulling it off.
Honestly I'm not surprised I got it done. I'm surprised I had the energy to actually choose to do it.
Because I'm just so tired. I'm tired of essays and applications and I don't want to sit down with any more professors and talk about grad school. I've heard all the wisdom they have to offer and I'm saturated. I'll summarize it for you: any of these schools will be great.
Full ride to McAfee to study under Gushee. Amazing option. But I just found out I'm accepted to Candler and am waiting on scholarship decisions. I applied to Fuller and am waiting. The Duke application is done but not submitted. I just don't wanna spend the $50. I don't know. I'm tired of spending $50.
I'm tired of selling myself, tired of researching, tired of wanting four different things in three different cities. I literally cannot write another essay about my "call to ministry." And I can't listen to one more person in Nashville asking me "what I want to do with that."
When I was applying to undergraduate colleges, I applied to 7. Yeah, 7. And it was stupid. I was fooling myself into thinking I could get into Brown, and that when I got in I would actually want to move to the Northeast. Or that I could get into Vanderbilt's Peabody School, or Emory. And I ended up going to the first school that accepted me, the school in my backyard, Belmont, and of course I love it.
The point is, I have a habit of fooling myself into thinking I'm better than I am. And I'm tired of trying to make that plausible. So I took Princeton and Yale off my list a little while back, and now Duke is off I guess. And I can overanalyze all day long, weigh the pros and cons, but the truth is I'm accepted to a perfectly fine School of Theology and I don't know why I'm holding out for the one in California. I'm just a kid who likes to read books about God, and I'm out of energy for this process.
Honestly I'm not surprised I got it done. I'm surprised I had the energy to actually choose to do it.
Because I'm just so tired. I'm tired of essays and applications and I don't want to sit down with any more professors and talk about grad school. I've heard all the wisdom they have to offer and I'm saturated. I'll summarize it for you: any of these schools will be great.
Full ride to McAfee to study under Gushee. Amazing option. But I just found out I'm accepted to Candler and am waiting on scholarship decisions. I applied to Fuller and am waiting. The Duke application is done but not submitted. I just don't wanna spend the $50. I don't know. I'm tired of spending $50.
I'm tired of selling myself, tired of researching, tired of wanting four different things in three different cities. I literally cannot write another essay about my "call to ministry." And I can't listen to one more person in Nashville asking me "what I want to do with that."
When I was applying to undergraduate colleges, I applied to 7. Yeah, 7. And it was stupid. I was fooling myself into thinking I could get into Brown, and that when I got in I would actually want to move to the Northeast. Or that I could get into Vanderbilt's Peabody School, or Emory. And I ended up going to the first school that accepted me, the school in my backyard, Belmont, and of course I love it.
The point is, I have a habit of fooling myself into thinking I'm better than I am. And I'm tired of trying to make that plausible. So I took Princeton and Yale off my list a little while back, and now Duke is off I guess. And I can overanalyze all day long, weigh the pros and cons, but the truth is I'm accepted to a perfectly fine School of Theology and I don't know why I'm holding out for the one in California. I'm just a kid who likes to read books about God, and I'm out of energy for this process.
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