Rambling Updates
Despite a summer full of reasons to think it wouldn't happen, it is actually the case that I have been living in Georgia for 11 days. It is also the case that I have a great house, great job, great car, and really great classes starting tomorrow.
Dear self three months ago: you have no idea.
It really is a miracle that I am here. This summer was disastrous and hard and discouraging, full of mountains to climb and clouds covering the sun.
I couldn't find an affordable apartment in all of Atlanta and I didn't have a way to support myself when I got here. My Jetta was breaking down for a different reason every week, and I was already out of money to repair it. My cat got fleas again and they invaded our apartment. I had to get rid of the cat. It was my first summer in 8 years not going to Russia. There were flat tires, coolant leaks, unexpected bills, overheating in traffic, a bad alternator, sad goodbyes, family tension, and uncertainty.
I'll suffice it to say it didn't look good for my move to Atlanta. And it's been a season where God is showing me the side of himself that demands I redefine my needs, wants, and priorities. The side of himself that gives grace abounding toward my needs, but not my comfort.
For most of my life God has blessed and spoiled and relentlessly given to me. I mean that in the most theologically accurate way possible. He's just put me in this state of wonder for so long, where I look out the window, drive down the street, run through the woods, and marvel at what he has given me. Not that life is easy; far from it. But God delights in blessing his kids, and he blesses me.
And then sometimes I have these seasons where he takes things away, and I can't be sure where my provision will come from, and I fear I might have to give up my goals and work at McDonalds instead. Russia always did this sort of thing in me. And I've been back in the same place ever since graduation.
I never doubted Divinity School is where I need to be, and since May I've known McAfee is that school. I can say that, for all my fears and failings and insecurities, I always felt peace about that decision. But every step on this road has been a struggle and until about 3 weeks ago it seemed like the very hand of God was keeping me from getting out of Nashville.
A week before I moved, I found out I got a spot in a house in Tucker -- the cheapest rent in the best location I had found so far. I only know a handful of people in this city and none very well, but through connections I heard about this house and long story short: God said go move there.
Around the same time, I had been emailing Pilates studios in the area about job openings. The only studio who ever returned my emails was the studio that hired me after just one phone conversation. Through no great achievement of my own, I'm their new front desk manager.
And then TWO days before moving, Mom and I ran by a Nissan dealership to look at used cars. By some miracle they had the exact year, make/model, and condition of car I was hoping to buy. By another miracle they took the Jetta that day for great trade-in value and I somehow qualified to buy my own car. And by the help of family and friends in various ways throughout the whole thing, I now have a great new-to-me car, which I drove to Atlanta two days later packed with boxes.
All this to say my summer ended with the craziest last week in Nashville possible, God opened his hand, and the path was made smooth before me.
He didn't have to do those things for me. But he did, and he chose to do it in a way where I was praying out of desperation all summer wondering what would happen. He chose to do it in a way that forced me to remember the mountains I'm climbing are God's mountains to climb, and I'm just along for the ride, and if he wants me up there he'll drag me along on a rope. He forced me to pray in such a way where it was no longer about me and "my calling" (although that's important), it was about his Kingdom and how he's creating it, and if seminary is really my calling that's his business. His mountain.
So he got me here to the base of it. There's so much farther to go, but I'm at least here. It's not a whole lot easier now that the move is over, because now I'm in this huge, sprawling, diverse city alone and if it weren't for Siri I would never find anything. And I'm overwhelmed with my new job, and I don't want to screw up, and sometimes I really miss being with people who know me. And classes start tomorrow and I'm not sure I'm totally qualified for 15 hours of graduate classes on top of everything else, and the freaking textbooks cost an arm and a leg while my bank account is diminishing. To mention just a couple things.
But I have two roommates who are stuck with me, about 30 new coworkers who are also stuck with me, and a whole seminary full of people who are also going to be forced to befriend me. Also I found a neat little running group in Decatur and a bike shop. And my neighbors...let's just say they're all slowly warming up. Slowly. This is Tucker, after all, so I'm giving them time.
It's really amazing to see this whole mass of humanity here in Atlanta and realize they're all such cool, relatable people when it comes down to it. Cashiers at grocery stores. Fellow runners around town. People who take yoga at the studio. Strangers at the churches I visit. New students at McAfee. It's a funny thing when you are forced out of your routine and your places and your habits: you're forced to make connections. And I just moved here last week, so I need connections I don't need in Nashville, where I can find my own favorite coffee shops, thankyouverymuch.
I ran with the Fleet Feet Running Club here last week. I just walked up, and someone asked me who I was, and after that they took me under their wing and helped me along the route. They assigned me to the "fast/far" group which made me feel kickass even though I'm not, and it was really awesome because everyone was so friendly it felt like East Nasty a little. Afterwards I met a couple who came up to me and said, "DID YOU JUST MOVE FROM NASHVILLE TOO?" and just like that, we were instant friends. Ten of us went across the street for dinner and we talked about Atlanta, and healthcare, and ethics, and all the great spots in Nashville because my two new friends know it just as well as me. When we got our drinks, someone toasted "welcome to Atlanta" and as we clinked our glasses I thought, this is going to be a moment I remember.
Just like on Friday after orientation, when I was wandering around the athletic center and started talking to a wonderful woman who turned out to be the Dean of Students for the Mercer ATL campus. She knew Belmont, Dr. Gushee, Tucker, and what it feels like to move to Atlanta for graduate school. We talked for a long time, and she knows my name, so if I have any questions she said her door is always open. That is going to be a moment I remember.
Just like when multiple McAfee-related people I've never met knew me already by name, knew I'm here for ethics and I run marathons, and wanted to talk to me at orientation. If I needed any more confirmation that this is where I need to be, that was it, and those are moments I'll remember.
I'm storing them all away as moments when God climbed his own mountains in my life and allowed me to see the view. He has been smiling at me in small ways like these, and although the overarching theme of this season of life is struggle and isolation, the glory of being on the right path is peeking through.
I get up tomorrow morning and go to Syriac and Aramaic (which would be my first grad class...), and I'll be meeting all new people which is exhausting and scary, but for the time being, at least I'm far enough out of my comfort zone to appreciate the small things.
...Like meeting other people who also want to learn Syriac and Aramaic.
Dear self three months ago: you have no idea.
It really is a miracle that I am here. This summer was disastrous and hard and discouraging, full of mountains to climb and clouds covering the sun.
I couldn't find an affordable apartment in all of Atlanta and I didn't have a way to support myself when I got here. My Jetta was breaking down for a different reason every week, and I was already out of money to repair it. My cat got fleas again and they invaded our apartment. I had to get rid of the cat. It was my first summer in 8 years not going to Russia. There were flat tires, coolant leaks, unexpected bills, overheating in traffic, a bad alternator, sad goodbyes, family tension, and uncertainty.
I'll suffice it to say it didn't look good for my move to Atlanta. And it's been a season where God is showing me the side of himself that demands I redefine my needs, wants, and priorities. The side of himself that gives grace abounding toward my needs, but not my comfort.
For most of my life God has blessed and spoiled and relentlessly given to me. I mean that in the most theologically accurate way possible. He's just put me in this state of wonder for so long, where I look out the window, drive down the street, run through the woods, and marvel at what he has given me. Not that life is easy; far from it. But God delights in blessing his kids, and he blesses me.
And then sometimes I have these seasons where he takes things away, and I can't be sure where my provision will come from, and I fear I might have to give up my goals and work at McDonalds instead. Russia always did this sort of thing in me. And I've been back in the same place ever since graduation.
I never doubted Divinity School is where I need to be, and since May I've known McAfee is that school. I can say that, for all my fears and failings and insecurities, I always felt peace about that decision. But every step on this road has been a struggle and until about 3 weeks ago it seemed like the very hand of God was keeping me from getting out of Nashville.
A week before I moved, I found out I got a spot in a house in Tucker -- the cheapest rent in the best location I had found so far. I only know a handful of people in this city and none very well, but through connections I heard about this house and long story short: God said go move there.
Around the same time, I had been emailing Pilates studios in the area about job openings. The only studio who ever returned my emails was the studio that hired me after just one phone conversation. Through no great achievement of my own, I'm their new front desk manager.
And then TWO days before moving, Mom and I ran by a Nissan dealership to look at used cars. By some miracle they had the exact year, make/model, and condition of car I was hoping to buy. By another miracle they took the Jetta that day for great trade-in value and I somehow qualified to buy my own car. And by the help of family and friends in various ways throughout the whole thing, I now have a great new-to-me car, which I drove to Atlanta two days later packed with boxes.
All this to say my summer ended with the craziest last week in Nashville possible, God opened his hand, and the path was made smooth before me.
He didn't have to do those things for me. But he did, and he chose to do it in a way where I was praying out of desperation all summer wondering what would happen. He chose to do it in a way that forced me to remember the mountains I'm climbing are God's mountains to climb, and I'm just along for the ride, and if he wants me up there he'll drag me along on a rope. He forced me to pray in such a way where it was no longer about me and "my calling" (although that's important), it was about his Kingdom and how he's creating it, and if seminary is really my calling that's his business. His mountain.
So he got me here to the base of it. There's so much farther to go, but I'm at least here. It's not a whole lot easier now that the move is over, because now I'm in this huge, sprawling, diverse city alone and if it weren't for Siri I would never find anything. And I'm overwhelmed with my new job, and I don't want to screw up, and sometimes I really miss being with people who know me. And classes start tomorrow and I'm not sure I'm totally qualified for 15 hours of graduate classes on top of everything else, and the freaking textbooks cost an arm and a leg while my bank account is diminishing. To mention just a couple things.
But I have two roommates who are stuck with me, about 30 new coworkers who are also stuck with me, and a whole seminary full of people who are also going to be forced to befriend me. Also I found a neat little running group in Decatur and a bike shop. And my neighbors...let's just say they're all slowly warming up. Slowly. This is Tucker, after all, so I'm giving them time.
It's really amazing to see this whole mass of humanity here in Atlanta and realize they're all such cool, relatable people when it comes down to it. Cashiers at grocery stores. Fellow runners around town. People who take yoga at the studio. Strangers at the churches I visit. New students at McAfee. It's a funny thing when you are forced out of your routine and your places and your habits: you're forced to make connections. And I just moved here last week, so I need connections I don't need in Nashville, where I can find my own favorite coffee shops, thankyouverymuch.
I ran with the Fleet Feet Running Club here last week. I just walked up, and someone asked me who I was, and after that they took me under their wing and helped me along the route. They assigned me to the "fast/far" group which made me feel kickass even though I'm not, and it was really awesome because everyone was so friendly it felt like East Nasty a little. Afterwards I met a couple who came up to me and said, "DID YOU JUST MOVE FROM NASHVILLE TOO?" and just like that, we were instant friends. Ten of us went across the street for dinner and we talked about Atlanta, and healthcare, and ethics, and all the great spots in Nashville because my two new friends know it just as well as me. When we got our drinks, someone toasted "welcome to Atlanta" and as we clinked our glasses I thought, this is going to be a moment I remember.
Just like on Friday after orientation, when I was wandering around the athletic center and started talking to a wonderful woman who turned out to be the Dean of Students for the Mercer ATL campus. She knew Belmont, Dr. Gushee, Tucker, and what it feels like to move to Atlanta for graduate school. We talked for a long time, and she knows my name, so if I have any questions she said her door is always open. That is going to be a moment I remember.
Just like when multiple McAfee-related people I've never met knew me already by name, knew I'm here for ethics and I run marathons, and wanted to talk to me at orientation. If I needed any more confirmation that this is where I need to be, that was it, and those are moments I'll remember.
I'm storing them all away as moments when God climbed his own mountains in my life and allowed me to see the view. He has been smiling at me in small ways like these, and although the overarching theme of this season of life is struggle and isolation, the glory of being on the right path is peeking through.
I get up tomorrow morning and go to Syriac and Aramaic (which would be my first grad class...), and I'll be meeting all new people which is exhausting and scary, but for the time being, at least I'm far enough out of my comfort zone to appreciate the small things.
...Like meeting other people who also want to learn Syriac and Aramaic.
Comments
Post a Comment