Idle and Blessed

"So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God, but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us." -1 Thessalonians 2:8 I have this problem with charity. It all started when opened The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne on the Aeroflot plane from Moscow to Mineralnye Vody. (This book was recommended to me by a wonderful friend, and I in turn suggest it to you.) But anyway, I'll admit these thought are not fully mine, as they originate for me in Claiborne's book, and his life really. But I think charity is like a hermit crab shell without a hermit crab in it. You know? What is charity for? Usually in Western culture, charity organizations are big groups of people who sell t-shirts and mugs and mouse pads with their logo on them, advertising some great cause like "solving world hunger" or "fixing the world water problem" or "converting teen moms to Christianity."...

доброе утро! Really missing Nadya and Tanya today. I want to make borsh with Nadya in her kitchen, and talk about everything that comes to mind. We always did talk about the most random things. Thinking back, I'm not sure how I actually understood enough Russian to talk about communism, family problems, working, life, etc. It must have been the Holy Spirit enabling me to understand her, because I definitely was never close to fluent... And speaking of Russian, I miss Tanya teaching me. It won't work out for me to take Russian at Belmont this semester, so I'm searching for other ways to study. If anyone has any suggestions, let me know. It's not so easy to teach myself! It's hard to believe my summer is a week and a few days from being over. It was well spent, I think, and I packed a lot of life into it. But now I have to transition into school mode? 8 am Greek all year? Ew. And getting back into college life is making me realize how much my mindset has changed since...

It is proving to be a lot harder than I thought to articulate my feelings, thoughts, experiences, heartbreaks, inspirations, and emotions. There's something about a mission trip that stirs you up in ways you have to struggle to understand. There's something about a two month mission trip that stirs you up in ways you cannot even begin to process. The two weeks post-Russia have never been easy for me, but in some ways this time is harder. Because I can't think about my trip in one sweeping thought. I cannot reduce it to one theme. I cannot say "This is what God showed me!" because He showed me a lot more than I can tell you in a couple paragraphs. I lived life there. God took me through a few different spiritual seasons there. How can I even express it in my own heart, let alone to people who weren't there? And so you all might have to be patient with me. I'm finding myself unmotivated to meet with all my friends and "talk about Russia" because I ...

...but such is the Christian life. Hello dear friends! I am finally, finally home. Well, my American home. I'm a half a world away from my other one. And I've come to realize this unsettling feeling of being pulled to the other side of the globe no matter which side of it I'm on...is grace. It's grace because it pushes me to realize I will never be HOME until I get to heaven. It's grace because it makes me long for the day when I won't have to miss people anymore. It makes me long to be present with the Lord (and His people) and away from the body. It gives me an increasingly eternal perspective. But it also hurts. I'm not even close to having processed any of my summer, but I do know it's going to be painful as I do. There are some ways in which I don't think I'll ever be able to process the past two months of my life. And I don't have anything profound to share with you yet. I know the Lord will begin to reveal to me more of what He is and ...

I have actually kind of enjoyed having such limited internet access lately. It forces me to focus on where I am. (But unfortunately, the lack of pictures doesn't help YOU focus on where I am...sorry! :) ) Thanks to those of you who are taking the time to comment! I appreciate the connection to the outside world. Sheesh, I appreciate any connection at this stage of the game. But I'm communicating more than ever before with the people here, and although that's still not as much as I would like, it's good. Nadya, Sasha, Tanya, and Slavik are amazing for putting the time and effort into talking to me. And because of it I really feel like I finally have deeper friendships here... (So, Family Camp Team, when you see those people next week, please give them a high five or a "best communicators to the poor American girl" award.) This week has been like one of those dreams where you are trying to run but your feet aren't moving. Like running through mud, I would im...

I'll be home two weeks from now. I'm still partly longing for home and partly longing to stay here...although the exact ratio between the two varies minute by minute. I'm just really lonely. Being an infant language wise and a nineteen year old in every other respect is strange. I want to have deep conversations, I want to connect deeply, but all I can do is speak in phrases like "I want to sleep," "Jesus is my Savior," "Please give me more coffee," etc. Maybe this is what being an adult stuck in a toddler's body is like. Oh wait, that doesn't happen. There might be a reason for that. So lately, on the days when Nadya is home and not working, I just corner her and tell her I want to talk. We clean the house, make food, wash clothes, whatever. But we talk. It helps a little bit. She is very encouraging, always telling me how well I'm doing. But it's hard to be patient with myself. I feel like a month and a half should be plenty o...

It seems like 2 years since I last posted! I don't even remember what day that was. Hmm. But I am currently back at Sasha, Nadya, Ruvim, and Vitalik's. For those of you who know them, you know how blessed I am to have such a sweet host family. I know I say that about all of my families, but it's so true. I wish I could stay with all of them at the same time, actually. Another reason to long for heaven! But since they have a very poor internet connection, I'll be updating my blog and reading emails a little less than when I was with Din and Inna, who are now in Teberda at the teen camp. They left me a key, though, so I can come here and feet Malish (the crazy cat), blog, etc. I have lots of homes here. :) Ok, so I moved on Saturday. Then on Sunday after church I went with Dinis to Min Vody to pick up...AMERICANS!!! I had never met them before, but I was still really excited. They are from a church in Georgia who has been sending teams for teen camps about as long as Fell...