Idle and Blessed

This morning I pulled last summer's prayer journal off the shelf. I don't know why, but I felt like I needed to read through it. As soon as I opened it I was immediately catapulted back in time to the day I left for my two months in Russia. June 4, 2010. Impossible to believe that was almost exactly a year ago. It all started to come back to me as I looked through the pages of that journal. The confidence I felt as I left. The prayers I prayed with confidence that God was about to fulfill them. The excitement and nervousness of traveling alone to a part of the world very difficult to get to. After a few pages, the entries turned to prayers for specific people and situations. My memories came back as snapshots in my brain - the two major meltdowns I had, getting my own little apartment in Kislovodsk, talking to Venera, riding in hot taxis to see orphaned children. Allergic reactions all the time. Language burier. Missing Fido, Target, home, friends. June 8, 2010: "I feel co...

I am so richly blessed. It feels like school ended ages ago, even though it's only been 2 weeks. This summer so far has been restless for me, and I feel like I'm in a season of life I've never had to deal with before. Unlike the summers of high school, I am not nestled into the routine of four school years with two months of free time in between, living at home because that's the only place to live and just waiting for high school to end. There are too many variables and options now to think about things that way. Unlike the summer between high school and college, I am not preparing for the big lifestyle shift of moving out, bonding with old friends one last time, or reminiscing about my ending childhood. Unlike last summer, I am not packing, traveling, and spending months across the globe. This summer there is no definition, at least not one I have found yet. That's not to say it's a bad thing, but I feel like there's nothing I'm working towards, nothin...

I'm officially done with my sophomore year of college. Exams are done, papers are done, friends are dispersed for the summer (or some for good), the dorm is empty, and my stuff is moved back into my room at home. Last year this time I had a 3-month visa to Russia and a suitcase already being packed. I was glad to know I'd never be a college freshman again, glad to know I was a fourth of the way done so I could just think about mission work. This year I'm stalling on the decision of whether or not to apply for an extended visa, sad to know I'll never be an underclassman again (well, kinda sad...), and amazed that I'm already half way done with undergrad. People say your freshman year is the most formative, but I have to disagree. My sophomore year was by far the most formative of the two. Thank goodness I met Micah early in the year, who told me it was normal to have a complete crisis of existence as a sophomore. There were times I wanted to transfer, times I wanted ...

There's an absolutely perfect and stunningly beautiful courtyard tucked away over by Freeman Hall that is impossible for humans to access because there is no door. There is NO DOOR. I suppose we are supposed to be content to see it through the windows. Maybe the biggest tragedy about Belmont. I am going to be homeless in August because I can't seem to work out an apartment situation. I have absolutely no idea what God is saying to me about this summer, about Russia. I want to go and yet feel hesitant and I am clueless about what to do. Sometimes life is kind of like being in Freeman Hall and looking out the window and seeing the perfect courtyard you can't get to.

С пасхой! Happy Easter! I was wondering this morning, when I was sitting outside listening to the birds sing their symphonies, why the Lord chose to die in the Spring. I mean, I know there are reasons like Passover is in the Spring and Jesus is the fulfillment of the Passover and stuff like that, but why, in God's sovereignty, did He choose the season most closely associated with joy, love, and life to die on a cross for us? There are probably a lot of very insightful answers to this question, but I just wondered something very simple. I wondered if maybe He was helping us realize that the point was not death but life, not darkness but light; the point is that He rose three days later. Because in our "Jesus died for me" church culture, it's easy to make that an afterthought. The Spirit has been drawing my attention more to the resurrection this season than in some years past. He's been drawing me to the fact that Jesus isn't in the Church of the Holy Sepulche...

God's been teaching me a whole lot lately. And by lately I mean since the day I left for Israel. He is always teaching me, of course, but there have been plenty of weeks the past year when I haven't been listening. So I guess He got my attention in a lot of ways by interrupting my semester to bring me to Israel. He's rearranging me. My view of Scripture and how to read it. My understanding of the Christian faith. My understanding of the Jewish faith. My priorities and convictions and the things that occupy my mind daily. All of this has gradually been changing since coming to college and studying religion, but for some reason this particular season of change is different. I remember my first "crisis" of the religion major sort, last semester, when Steve had us reading Tillich and studying liberal theology. All the sudden I was face to face with something I was insulated from in the evangelical protestant tradition: the fact that I cannot KNOW anything about God, n...

We started off Day 7 at the Temple Mount. I wasn't very happy to be awake and walking around that day, to be honest, because of the cold weather and information overload and need for sleep. But once we got started, it ended up being a fantastic day. From the time of the 638 AD Muslim occupation in Israel, the entire Temple Mount has been a Muslim holy site. Of course, before that it was a Jewish holy site dating way back to Solomon's Temple. So now, although Israel once again politically "owns" the Temple Mount, the Muslims have jurisdiction over what happens there, hence the presence of a mosque and the Dome of the Rock. The Dome of the Rock is the third holiest site in the world for Muslims (have I already said this?...), believed to be the site where Muhammad ascended into heaven. The Western Wall, right off the Temple Mount, is the holiest site in the world for Jews. And the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, believed to be the site where Jesus was crucified, is the ho...