Idle and Blessed

Sometimes when we slow down, when we stoop down low and put our ear to the ground, we hear things we did not expect. Sometimes the things we hear are quiet and not as beautiful and we had imagined, even downright confusing and nonsensical. But we can hear them, distinguish them, all the same. Sometimes I go home to Spring Hill, and I spend Sunday afternoons on rocky dirt trails, and I walk around in the old cemetery I used to visit as a kid. It is a weird feeling to get away from the city, from the places I go and the things I do, because it puts spaces in the minutes of a day. Suddenly I don't need more hours; I need exactly 24, and there are blank white spaces within them into which I can draw things. And there is something in us - I think it's our soul - that responds to the things we hear this way. When we take time to listen to the river, to be alive in the woods, to notice how the wind blows the empty branches. I find sometimes I go through life all in my head, and...

“I am not all you need…to be happy always. I am not all you need to feel happy. But that’s not my goal, and that’s not who I am. I AM all you need to be alive – really alive – and to be sustained in that life. My Spirit is the source and spring and root of every good and perfect gift and you are sustained in it. If your body went without water it would die, but you would not. And that is the difference. I provide the things you think you need for survival, but when I remove them, your deep life is never in danger. Because you are mine, and no one in my presence is capable of truly perishing. “Suffering is different, and you are capable of that. Actually, expect it. Get comfortable with it because it’s where you learn the most important lessons and grow in the best ways. ‘Just because it burns doesn’t mean you’re gonna die.’ Suffering is different than perishing. “When you are hit with hard situations, it pleases me most when you respond in an act of worship....

To Jenny, thank you for being constant. Thank you for being here every day, through the ugliness and the beauty. You’ve seen the parts of my heart that are very ugly, the threads of my inner workings that don’t yet have the glint of truth or redemption in them. You’ve heard some secrets and sins and you know what wakes me up at 2am. You’re the friend I don’t have to be careful around, the friend who is not afraid of my messiness, the friend who runs toward my heart and not away. I don’t have to worry about what you’ll think of me when you hear my craziness. You’ve heard it all. You’re not afraid. And I want you to know that because of you, I am not afraid either, and I’m facing all my imperfection and messiness with wide eyes. Because of you I believe God is enough for me. Because of you I believe God sits with us through our tears, gives us lots of small notes and gifts, and encourages our new adventures – because He's done it through you. To Kelsey, tha...

I'm sitting at Edgehill Cafe and feeling grateful for the sun's victory in poking out from behind the clouds this morning. This coffee shop has always been the site of good writing and praying and thinking for me. Today I'm distracted though. For one, they started enforcing the 30 minute parking rule. So I'm staring out the window monitoring that situation, since I've been here about 1.5 hours. I risk it with parking tickets sometimes. I figure if that's my form of rebellion in life I'm doing really well. Also, the guys at the table in front of me are talking about their love of vanilla peppermint lattes and chai tea lattes and Nashville. And I don't know, that just kind of fascinates me. The truth is, I'm distracted in a lot of ways right now. I have a lot going on. I have four classes to keep up with. I'm working at Pure Barre. I'm President of the Christian Ethics Society, which is leading a couple of huge campaigns at Belmont this s...

If you know me very well at all, you are probably aware of the fact that I drive a Volkswagen Jetta that is constantly falling apart. By constantly I mean constantly. There are very few exceptions to this. The latest chapter in the novel of my car problems has been a radiator/coolant leak, and just so you know, I am now 300% more knowledgeable about automotive cooling systems than I previously was. Silver lining. To a cloud I don't want to talk about, which involved freezing at a gas station staring under the hood of my car in the dark freaking out. Anyway, the point is that while my dad has been faithfully and selflessly repairing my Jetta in his garage for the past month, I've been borrowing a red Lumina which runs very well yet has problems all its own. Such as the cup holder being held together with duck tape. And I don't think the car horn works. Etcetera. I'm so blessed to have this car so I don't have to walk everywhere in January. So don't get ...

A friend told me recently that the way we view nature is generally the way we view God. I think this can be true in broad senses. My favorite thing about nature is not how beautiful it is, although it is beautiful, or how many varieties of plants there are, although it's pretty amazing. My favorite thing about nature is that it's steady. It takes hundreds, thousands, millions of years to change. And no matter what is going on in my head, or my life, or my relationships, nature is the same today as it was yesterday. Radnor Lake and the trails at Chickasaw and the Swiss Alps are going to outlive me. They put me in my place. They put my emotions and my chaos in their place. And I guess that's my favorite thing about God, too. He's not going anywhere. I remember a quote someone put on Facebook once that said nature is not malicious and harsh like we sometimes think, but it's also not beneficent. Nature is simply indifferent. Indifferent to our plight, our struggle...

There's nothing like realizing it's the deadline for a scholarship essay and somehow pulling it off. Honestly I'm not surprised I got it done. I'm surprised I had the energy to actually choose to do it. Because I'm just so tired. I'm tired of essays and applications and I don't want to sit down with any more professors and talk about grad school. I've heard all the wisdom they have to offer and I'm saturated. I'll summarize it for you: any of these schools will be great. Full ride to McAfee to study under Gushee. Amazing option. But I just found out I'm accepted to Candler and am waiting on scholarship decisions. I applied to Fuller and am waiting. The Duke application is done but not submitted. I just don't wanna spend the $50. I don't know. I'm tired of spending $50. I'm tired of selling myself, tired of researching, tired of wanting four different things in three different cities. I literally cannot write another es...