Idle and Blessed

There was no heartbreak and no joy in 2013 that God didn't plan for and lead you through. And there won't be any heartbreak or joy in 2014 that God isn't planning for or won't lead you through. We mark time this way, in years, and we make all these resolutions every go-round. But the trick to it all is just plain faithfulness. There's not a whole lot in this life we can plan for. It won't stop us from trying, but it's true. I think there are directions God wants us to travel in, attitudes he wants in our hearts, but he won't measure the success of our years by the resolutions we kept or the goals we attained. He won't count up the times we were derailed by tragedy or failure as through they detract from our grade point average. The world works this way, and so do our heads. But we have life wrong when we count up the wins and losses. We have grace wrong, and growth and meaning and all the really important things. I like New Years. I like reso...

There's a song that goes, "What a glorious day when my heart finally rose from the grave. When you called my name, I came running," The first time I heard it I was walking down Belmont Boulevard on a warm summer night, getting some air before bed and listening to my ipod. And I remember I lifted up my hands like a crazy person, but it was dark so it's ok, and I thanked God so deeply that it's true,  I came running. He called my name and I came running. Praise be to God that we sometimes come running. I never remember a time when I didn't know Jesus. When he wasn't present with me in my inner world. The Lord is a someone who spoke tenderly to me from the beginning and drew me in, and I responded by loving him, somehow. It is only and all grace that allows us to love him. Mark 1 talks about the day Jesus met Simon and Andrew, his first disciples, beside the sea. He simply said, "Follow me," and Mark writes, "Immediately they left th...

Last week I took three days off running, which is something I haven't done since rehabbing a hamstring tear in the spring. I didn't mean to miss three runs, but it was a crazy seven days. Yesterday a new week started, though, and I went out for five miles and it felt a little bit like magic. I was recently reminded that life is very fragile and short. It's not something we deserve or understand, but it has been given to us for now, and it's a miraculous thing. When I finally hit the road again yesterday and got my heart beating more firmly, I was overwhelmed with the feeling that my lungs are working, and the Spirit inside me is sustaining me every second, and how incredible is that. If you are alive today and your body allows you, I beg you to go outside and run. Just run. Long, short, fast, slow, hilly, flat. Because now is the time you have to live and feel it. I beg you to go somewhere you can feel the air on your skin and hear your heartbeat in your ears, and...

I woke up today and realized finally the semester is over. I haven't taken a minute to let that sink in until today. One semester, fully completed. One sixth of this Master's degree. It was easier than I expected in a lot of ways. A few of my classes were more basic than I was used to at Belmont. But the experience itself was such a valley, I hate to admit. It was tough. Will there ever be a day when I don't question if I'm where I want to be? Will there ever be a day when I don't want to start over with Plan B? I'd like to be surrounded by people who really know me. That would be a good start. I was reminded lately how few people in Atlanta know about my time in Russia and my hopes for that place. Of the things that have shaped me, Russia is nearly the top. But I think most of my friends here are under the impression all I do is study ethics and practice yoga. What happens when no one around you fully knows you is that you feel like a freeze-f...

Trouble by Kevin Devine Trouble tracks me down It's been draggin me around Since my feet first touched the ground And I'm kickin like a kid Cause I can't get rid of it And it's never going nowhere now I duck-dodge to my left I side-step to my right But it nails me every time And I'm finished throwin fits Yeah, I've learned to live with it Marching steady, straight, and by my side And trouble makes no seam Just sweeps in surgical and clean Leaves me begging on my hands and knees And she's always on the clock But she doesn't only watch Cause she wrecks me straight into my sleep When I drift into a dream And I'm sailing on some sea Shootin' whiskey with my Irish bride Till Amy Goodman wakes me up I'm alone in Brooklyn broke as fuck Splitting headache and some bloodshot eyes And I've known trouble all my life And I'm sick of asking why It's like screaming at a set of dice They're gonna roll the way they roll And man you're n...

I have a serious problem with people tearing the Bible apart for term papers. I have a problem with the prerequisite of scholasticism being a complete disregard for intuition, mystery, and the movement of the Spirit. I have a serious problem with redaction criticism, because it's worth maybe 15% of our time and demands 90. I have a problem with myself and my peers for sitting in classrooms three days a week thinking we're doing Christianity when we can't name one person living in poverty in our city. If Jesus were sitting in the circle with us, he'd probably discuss the meaning of the scriptures, sure. He was a Rabbi. But he knew plenty of people who did that all day long, and he had a name for them. Hypocrites. It seems very presumptuous of us to make claims like "Proverbs perpetuates an evil system of economic inequality," and get standing ovations from each other. And an A. I don't know, that's probably true about Proverbs, in one sense or...

I didn't think it was possible, but autumn has come and made the east side of Atlanta pretty. These trees turn colors too, it turns out. Not like the Tennessee ones, but in their own way. Instead of pollen my car is now covered in yellow and red crunchy things, and soon there will be nothing to cover it, which is great news for someone who never washes her car but bad news for someone who isn't ready to admit winter is coming. I don't have the luxury of time anymore. My weeks are never ending, speeding along like Marta trains on infinity loops that begin where they are supposed to end. The to-do lists grow long each day and no moment can be wasted until night comes back around. It's a busy life, this work-and-school life, trying to make sure neither one screeches to a halt or goes up in flames. I don't have the luxury of shopping anywhere except Walmart and the world market, because there is a foreseeable future in which I will be unable to pay rent. I part with...