Good thing the semester's over...

...because I can't focus. I am a journaling, praying, Bible-reading, emailing, researching machine! I am a freedom fighter! A conquistador! On expedition for the Kingdom!

Mom, if you're reading this, we'll talk about Russia when I come home.

I'm 110% sure the Lord is calling me to spend this summer in Karachaevsk. Actually, more than this summer, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. God has been pursuing me and providing for me and blessing me more than ever. On Thursday He gave me a vision for spreading the Gospel to the two orphanages in K, working with the church's Sunday School, teaching English to whoever wants to learn. On Saturday I talked to Dinislam about it, and he was thrilled. He thinks there's plenty I could do over there. Viktor suggested I not drop out of school just yet :) So summer.

I've emailed Wendy, Michelle, Kent, Walter and Natasja, PVS International, Brian, and Joel. I've talked to David, Lori, Anne, Viktor, Dinislam, and that missionary couple I don't know. I've said all that can be said. Now I have to keep on sitting back and letting Him take the steering wheel. It's funny how surprised I can be that He's doing so well at steering this thing. Like letting a kid drive the car on your lap. Why do I still keep my foot hovering over the brake?

It's my car, you know.

I know, Lord. I didn't realize I still had this reflex of grabbing the controls.

At best I am a backseat driver, but at least I'm aware of it now. Here's me taping my mouth shut and my arms by my side. In joy and peace and passion I will follow You.

You know what aggravates me a little bit? I have to fill out a "global internship application" for Fellowship with three references, explanation of my qualifications, details about my spiritual life the past six months, strengths and weaknesses, medical background....on and on. If it gets me there, of course I'm down. But why can't it be a little more organic than that? A little more raw and spiritual and unrehearsed? I have a passion for this. Why can't that be enough? Besides, Dinislam and Walter/Natasja and Kent and everyone are already on board. The fate of this should not lie in the hands of whoever gets ahold of my "application." I have to apply to follow God? Ugh.

Satan is desperately trying to scare me. David's reply to my email was "Dinis told me one of Sasha's 14 year old girls was raped by the police. Be careful." The stories Roman told me about the sex trade, the cars with no windows or license plates that the police are scared of, and the kidnappings are ringing in my ears. That news story about a missionary couple murdered in Grozny. Even Viktor admitted I'll be in danger.

"The Devil will reside if you let him." I am in the palm of Your hand. I'm not scared.

I want to hear you call my name and not look back.

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