Just Jumping In
This morning I pulled last summer's prayer journal off the shelf. I don't know why, but I felt like I needed to read through it. As soon as I opened it I was immediately catapulted back in time to the day I left for my two months in Russia. June 4, 2010. Impossible to believe that was almost exactly a year ago.
It all started to come back to me as I looked through the pages of that journal. The confidence I felt as I left. The prayers I prayed with confidence that God was about to fulfill them. The excitement and nervousness of traveling alone to a part of the world very difficult to get to. After a few pages, the entries turned to prayers for specific people and situations. My memories came back as snapshots in my brain - the two major meltdowns I had, getting my own little apartment in Kislovodsk, talking to Venera, riding in hot taxis to see orphaned children. Allergic reactions all the time. Language burier. Missing Fido, Target, home, friends.
June 8, 2010: "I feel completely in your will here. It's hard on my body and my mind, and I'll admit to the loneliness of limited communication. But I have peace. My soul is resting."
June 17, 2010: "What a challenge this is for me. To be here for so long, to make decisions against my flesh, to not see the path ahead but simply walk. To love more, talk more, go more, hope more, smile more. This is one reason I know these two months are your plan for me. You are a God of challenges...
...Thank you that two of the girls at the orphanage hugged me today."
I could go on, but I know this is redundant, because I've already shared most of this. It's just that I needed to be reminded today. Reminded that in the margins of my prayer journal there are little math problems where I was always figuring out how many days I had been there and how many I had left. And that as those numbers scribbled in changed, I was changing; as my "to go" number went down, I started writing sad faces next to it instead of happy faces. Towards the end, when I wrote "only 16 more days here," or "49 down, 9 to go," it was with a heavy heart. In those 58 days I (by God's grace) learned how to forget the things that were holding me back and making me want to go home. Because God introduced me to my Church family, and I got to know them a little bit.
I'm moving forward with another internship this summer. A shorter one, because of a million factors, but still an internship. I will probably leave the first week of July and return with the Family Camp on August 1st.
As I've waited on the Lord's direction these past 10 months, I've learned patience and common sense. Everything I said in my last post is true, and I know how important it was/is for me to wait for His commission. And in the waiting, He's fine-tuned my heart to hear it in a much more subtle way than last time. This time Jesus' answer is an open door, a love for Russia, health and ability to walk through that door, an invitation from Inna, and peace. Like Anna told me, God doesn't always speak through a pillar of fire; He's also a God of common sense. And like I told Jess, there's a lot to be said for taking an opportunity and just stepping into it, just jumping in.
Would you please pray with me as I begin this next journey? Only a month lies between me and my projected departure date. I need to do everything - get my visa, go through the internship prep process with Fellowship, prepare everything for Family Camp (including possibly writing kids curriculum), raise $2500 or more (!!!!!!), pack, get my shifts subbed at work, hopefully move into an apartment in Nashville, and communicate with my Russian families about everything - all in one month.
If you would, also continue praying that God will call another girl to come along with me, even though I know that is a long shot. It's still something that's on my heart to pray for, so I'm still praying :)
In addition, I have some beautiful friends who are serving the Lord across the globe this summer, and I would love for you to check out their blogs and partner with them in prayer. Kelsey is serving in Greece, Megan is serving in Germany, Meg is serving in Zambia, and Em is serving in Belgium.
Off to tackle a busy week! Be blessed (and let me know if you have any fund raising ideas.....)!
It all started to come back to me as I looked through the pages of that journal. The confidence I felt as I left. The prayers I prayed with confidence that God was about to fulfill them. The excitement and nervousness of traveling alone to a part of the world very difficult to get to. After a few pages, the entries turned to prayers for specific people and situations. My memories came back as snapshots in my brain - the two major meltdowns I had, getting my own little apartment in Kislovodsk, talking to Venera, riding in hot taxis to see orphaned children. Allergic reactions all the time. Language burier. Missing Fido, Target, home, friends.
June 8, 2010: "I feel completely in your will here. It's hard on my body and my mind, and I'll admit to the loneliness of limited communication. But I have peace. My soul is resting."
June 17, 2010: "What a challenge this is for me. To be here for so long, to make decisions against my flesh, to not see the path ahead but simply walk. To love more, talk more, go more, hope more, smile more. This is one reason I know these two months are your plan for me. You are a God of challenges...
...Thank you that two of the girls at the orphanage hugged me today."
I could go on, but I know this is redundant, because I've already shared most of this. It's just that I needed to be reminded today. Reminded that in the margins of my prayer journal there are little math problems where I was always figuring out how many days I had been there and how many I had left. And that as those numbers scribbled in changed, I was changing; as my "to go" number went down, I started writing sad faces next to it instead of happy faces. Towards the end, when I wrote "only 16 more days here," or "49 down, 9 to go," it was with a heavy heart. In those 58 days I (by God's grace) learned how to forget the things that were holding me back and making me want to go home. Because God introduced me to my Church family, and I got to know them a little bit.
I'm moving forward with another internship this summer. A shorter one, because of a million factors, but still an internship. I will probably leave the first week of July and return with the Family Camp on August 1st.
As I've waited on the Lord's direction these past 10 months, I've learned patience and common sense. Everything I said in my last post is true, and I know how important it was/is for me to wait for His commission. And in the waiting, He's fine-tuned my heart to hear it in a much more subtle way than last time. This time Jesus' answer is an open door, a love for Russia, health and ability to walk through that door, an invitation from Inna, and peace. Like Anna told me, God doesn't always speak through a pillar of fire; He's also a God of common sense. And like I told Jess, there's a lot to be said for taking an opportunity and just stepping into it, just jumping in.
Would you please pray with me as I begin this next journey? Only a month lies between me and my projected departure date. I need to do everything - get my visa, go through the internship prep process with Fellowship, prepare everything for Family Camp (including possibly writing kids curriculum), raise $2500 or more (!!!!!!), pack, get my shifts subbed at work, hopefully move into an apartment in Nashville, and communicate with my Russian families about everything - all in one month.
If you would, also continue praying that God will call another girl to come along with me, even though I know that is a long shot. It's still something that's on my heart to pray for, so I'm still praying :)
In addition, I have some beautiful friends who are serving the Lord across the globe this summer, and I would love for you to check out their blogs and partner with them in prayer. Kelsey is serving in Greece, Megan is serving in Germany, Meg is serving in Zambia, and Em is serving in Belgium.
Off to tackle a busy week! Be blessed (and let me know if you have any fund raising ideas.....)!
I'm so glad you're going! You (and your fundraising) are in my prayers! I love you so much. I find it amazing how well you listen to God's call in your life. You're beautiful and wonderful and awesome.
ReplyDelete