Being Afraid of Powerlessness
The Hebrew phrase "formless and void," used in Genesis 1 to describe the earth as God began to create, is תֹהוּ וָבֹהוּ ("tohu vabohu"). It rhymes and it's poetic, like all of the creation account in the Hebrew language.
In fact, it rhymes a little too well.
"Tohu vabohu." Dr. McEntire says it seems like a phrase someone made up to play with words.
And Dr. Mc knows a lot about Hebrew and Aramaic.
He says it seems like something Dr. Seuss would do. Make two words that rhyme like that and describe something unique and then those two words get absorbed into the Hebrew language and used elsewhere.
The Germans took the phrase "tohu vabohu" and started using it in their language. Maybe the Hebrews did that too, in the first place. Maybe the writer of Genesis was an ancient Hebrew Dr. Seuss.
So it means "formless and void," but when you read it in Hebrew it's poetry and it's beauty, and who know what it would mean outside the context of its use in Genesis 1:2.
Did you know that?
I don't really have a point with that, other than to say if you don't read Greek or Hebrew you should know your English Bible is missing a lot of the literary richness. The meaning is getting across, but really we have no idea how massively intricate these texts are when we read them in English.
That's all. And also I love my Greek/Hebrew minor. Thanks, God.
This week has been crazy and long and tiring. I am soaking up every moment of this senior year as far as school is concerned, but the busy schedule and excessive social time is wearing me out. And I've been thinking about something very emotionally draining this week. I've been thinking about weakness.
Weakness and vulnerability and need and trust.
I was sick last week, and being sick is one of the hardest things for me. I hate slowing down involuntarily, I hate needing help and being physically unable to do things. Resting is way harder than striving. Resting is surrender to and acceptance of my limitations.
And I don't like it. I like empowerment and strength and independence. I like perfection and perfectionism. I don't like the idea of being in a relationship for this reason. I don't know how to need someone.
It's pride, I realize. I want to hang curtains and drill holes and fix my squeaky car door by myself, thank you very much. I want to get myself to the doctor when I'm sick and I don't need medicine, thank you very much. I don't want to be caught being needy. I don't want to need someone's company. I don't want I don't want I don't want.
Selfishness. Pride. Insecurity, maybe. Or too much security.
Yuckiness in me.
I'm wondering if it's possible to be strong and still need someone. Strength and independence is a part of who I am. I like to make things happen myself, and I think to some degree that is a good thing. But it is making it increasingly hard to be in relationships with people, increasingly hard to picture myself in a dating/marriage relationship someday where I choose to be dependent on someone else.
Is there strength in choosing to surrender to that vulnerable place? Where you trust someone with your very heart? Is there strength in trusting there will be a safe place to fall?
People are messy, and needing people is a messy business. And I guess I'm a little afraid of mess. But getting hurt so badly you can't see straight is part of being human, and I guess choosing to trust those people again is part of choosing grace and redemption.
I want to be known for grace and redemption. Not my ability to change flat tires and make things happen. And since Jesus showed his power in laying it down, I suppose I can take some clues from him about how to live in relationship with people. He was not any less strong because of his vulnerability. He was not any less independent because he chose 12 best friends. He retained his Otherness and Omnipotence on his journey to the cross, all the while being able to be hurt by people profoundly, weeping over them, feeling betrayed by them. And forgiving.
I love that about Jesus. And I really believe, really choose to trust, that his example is worth following. That putting my pride and fear of betrayal on the line and letting people love me generously is worth it.
I think it will be worth it.
In fact, it rhymes a little too well.
"Tohu vabohu." Dr. McEntire says it seems like a phrase someone made up to play with words.
And Dr. Mc knows a lot about Hebrew and Aramaic.
He says it seems like something Dr. Seuss would do. Make two words that rhyme like that and describe something unique and then those two words get absorbed into the Hebrew language and used elsewhere.
The Germans took the phrase "tohu vabohu" and started using it in their language. Maybe the Hebrews did that too, in the first place. Maybe the writer of Genesis was an ancient Hebrew Dr. Seuss.
So it means "formless and void," but when you read it in Hebrew it's poetry and it's beauty, and who know what it would mean outside the context of its use in Genesis 1:2.
Did you know that?
I don't really have a point with that, other than to say if you don't read Greek or Hebrew you should know your English Bible is missing a lot of the literary richness. The meaning is getting across, but really we have no idea how massively intricate these texts are when we read them in English.
That's all. And also I love my Greek/Hebrew minor. Thanks, God.
This week has been crazy and long and tiring. I am soaking up every moment of this senior year as far as school is concerned, but the busy schedule and excessive social time is wearing me out. And I've been thinking about something very emotionally draining this week. I've been thinking about weakness.
Weakness and vulnerability and need and trust.
I was sick last week, and being sick is one of the hardest things for me. I hate slowing down involuntarily, I hate needing help and being physically unable to do things. Resting is way harder than striving. Resting is surrender to and acceptance of my limitations.
And I don't like it. I like empowerment and strength and independence. I like perfection and perfectionism. I don't like the idea of being in a relationship for this reason. I don't know how to need someone.
It's pride, I realize. I want to hang curtains and drill holes and fix my squeaky car door by myself, thank you very much. I want to get myself to the doctor when I'm sick and I don't need medicine, thank you very much. I don't want to be caught being needy. I don't want to need someone's company. I don't want I don't want I don't want.
Selfishness. Pride. Insecurity, maybe. Or too much security.
Yuckiness in me.
I'm wondering if it's possible to be strong and still need someone. Strength and independence is a part of who I am. I like to make things happen myself, and I think to some degree that is a good thing. But it is making it increasingly hard to be in relationships with people, increasingly hard to picture myself in a dating/marriage relationship someday where I choose to be dependent on someone else.
Is there strength in choosing to surrender to that vulnerable place? Where you trust someone with your very heart? Is there strength in trusting there will be a safe place to fall?
People are messy, and needing people is a messy business. And I guess I'm a little afraid of mess. But getting hurt so badly you can't see straight is part of being human, and I guess choosing to trust those people again is part of choosing grace and redemption.
I want to be known for grace and redemption. Not my ability to change flat tires and make things happen. And since Jesus showed his power in laying it down, I suppose I can take some clues from him about how to live in relationship with people. He was not any less strong because of his vulnerability. He was not any less independent because he chose 12 best friends. He retained his Otherness and Omnipotence on his journey to the cross, all the while being able to be hurt by people profoundly, weeping over them, feeling betrayed by them. And forgiving.
I love that about Jesus. And I really believe, really choose to trust, that his example is worth following. That putting my pride and fear of betrayal on the line and letting people love me generously is worth it.
I think it will be worth it.
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