It's Not The First Time

So I remember being in Russia and sitting on my horribly gross and rock-solid bed and thinking about how dangerous it is to form attachments to people. At least for me it is.

Because there's a point at which I usually stop and evaluate and think to myself: it's worth it, right? That day in Russia I decided it was worth it to love those kids, but I told God it would hurt. How am I going to ever stop going back? It's not doing my bank account any favors. But I can't stop it, I want to see those little faces. I miss them.

But those days happen all the time. I form attachments to all kinds of people. If Tori, Anna, or Madison were no longer in my life, I would probably go into mourning for a few years or become a nun. It's the same with countless others, though less severe probably. I've set up people like little beams under me, and they're there to support the whole operation. Problem is, they aren't very sturdy and the One who's building everything sometimes gets jealous for my security and affections.

He is jealous for me.

I think that's why he's asking me to be single, still. But that's another matter entirely.

Why do I miss people so much? Why do I miss people like Spencer and Mrs. McNeely and Kay and Amy? So random. Attachments...I feel like a spider, building a web that keeps getting torn down when people walk through it in the morning. I gotta learn to be okay with that, because it's good to be hurt with love every once in a while. At least I know I can be.

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