Today life has been a million miles an hour, every emotion flourishing. I've been so good at feeling them and naming them and coming to terms with them. Joy. Nostalgia. Contentment. Fear. Excitement. Loneliness. Pain. Sadness. Calm.

No anger today, though. It's strange. Winter break ended, and so far, my rage has ended with it. But I miss him like crazy.

Every time my phone buzzes I think it's him for a split second. Every license plate I see I read, like he does. Everyone who asks me how my break was gets a blank answer. I had a dream about him last night. I dreamt that he asked me out and I said no.

I know I'm doing the right thing. I know I'm in the place I need to be in. I know this is right, it just hurts is all.

On another note, school started today and it was wonderful. I'm so much more connected here than in Spring Hill, I laugh and learn and walk and talk. I adore Christian Doctrine (Steve is the best professor since Judy!) and believe it or not, I adore Calculus 2. Well, love/hate, you know. Greek is greek, but I have a better handle on it now thanks to a fresh start. And I can't wait to read more of my Savior's words in greek.

Tomorrow is New Testament, more calc, and more greek. And I'm trying not to forget about my self-study Medical Terminology class. So far, so great! Favorite things about today: making coffee in my room, group fitness classes in the Beaman, catching up with Sarah, putting a School of Religion sticker on my car, getting a $50 check in the mail, texting Madison, and...in a few minutes, doing calc homework in my fuzzy slippers.

I LOVE BELMONT. I'm doing just fine. I'm doing really well. I'm hurting about some things, and I'm sad about some things, but I'm also really feeling His peace cover me. Lord, thank you for covering me. Comfort me tonight, make me a better "martereo" (greek for witness...martyr comes from this stem).

And that reminds me. Martereo. In Jesus' day, a witness was assumed to show direct proof of the existence and power of God. When Christians were/are martyred, it shows existentially the power of their beliefs. Who dies for a nice idea that helps them sleep at night? Who allows an empty ideology shape them to the very core? I think that's part of the problem with Christian culture today. We act like it's fake. We act like it's not the very biggest and greatest and most revolutionary truth ever known. We should be more like martyrs, because until we are, we are not being good witnesses.

Instead of witnessing for organized religion or blank moral standards, let's be witnesses to the life-changing power wrapped up in our faith!

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