2010...

...is for being intentional.

...is for wrapping up loose ends.

...is for listening to the only Wise One, who has better things for me.

...is for listening.

...is for loving people in their imperfections, not expecting them to be otherwise.

...is for acknowledging and embracing the chaos of life.

...is for writing a better story with my life.

Don Miller's new book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years is changing my life. I just finished it and started again; it's one of THOSE books. It's teaching me that the elements of story that apply to books, movies, and tv apply to lives as well. A good life needs what a good movie needs: A character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it. The point is the character arc, how the story changes the person living it. Every good story is this way.

How easily we run from conflict. How easily we give up. How easily we doubt that any good can come of suffering. But suffering means things aren't right, things went wrong somehow, and they deserve to be set right again. Suffering means there's a reason, it means there's a God, yet we doubt Him most when our pain is real.

I know I'm walking with the Lord when Satan attacks. The more I lean into Jesus, the more his enemy hates me. And the most frustrating thing is that Satan knows me so well...he knows what my heart clings to, he knows my struggles, he knows what to dangle in front of my face so I get distracted and wander.

But 2010 is for writing a better story with my life than avoidance of conflict, the chasing of false love, the ignoring of what I know to be true.

That's why I ended it with Steven.

Because all along I knew what was going on. All along I knew I was only rebelling, being proud of myself for finding my own guy. I knew I was going down, knew it, but ignored it. I didn't guard my heart, and the only thing that did was make it harder on me because I fell for him. And I miss him like crazy.

And you know what I think? I was told a long time ago that the only things that matter are God, His Word, and people. But I'm not so sure about that anymore, because I think our life stories matter too. I think there wouldn't be so many life stories in the Bible if they didn't. Job was supposedly the first book of the Bible ever written. It's like God was saying "Before we get started, you have to know something. Things are going to get ugly. But there's a story you can write with your life, and it matters." The last sentence in Job says he died old, and full of years. Full of years, full of story. It mattered.

And so in 2010 I'm being intentional and I'm letting God write a bigger, harder, better, grander story with my life. I'm going to Russia for the summer (wanna see some conflict? Go to Russia and try to spread the Gospel). I'm looking into spending time in Uganda. I'm keeping my standards high for dating relationships. I'm enjoying being a Belmont student. I'm getting my violin fixed, and you can bet I'll be playing it. I'm gonna stop waiting for something better to fulfill me...it's here, it's now, and if I'll only follow Him, it's going to be amazing.

So here's to 2010. It might suck, if conflict isn't your thing, but at least it will be a meaningful story.

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