I forgot where I am in the countown - I think that's God's way of saying stop?

This morning I woke up and walked out of my room just as Dinislam and Alesia were coming in the front door. (How humbling to be seen in my pj's, with my hair everywhere, before I brush my teeth for the day! What a sense of humor you have, Lord!)

They sat down for tea. It's not every day that Din and Alesia come for tea first thing in the morning so I sat at the table and waited for some words I understood.

Matches. Gasoline. Church. Downstairs. Library. Black. Smoke.

The church was burned last night...not completely, praise the Lord, but in part. Someone or a few someones threw two big jugs of gasoline in a window and a few matches after. 6 people live in the church building (one pregnant, so 7), and when they heard the first explosion downstairs they ran and put it out. All made it out safe, but smoke and fire has destroyed much of the bottom floor.

Lots of books, books they hand out in the city, books about Christ and salvation and the Bible, burnt. This morning I picked up stacks of books and Bibles in a few of the local languages - black and crispy - and threw them in trash bags. It's with calm sadness that we come together and attempt to clean the church. It's with holy reverence that we hope for God to be glorified in this, just as the martyrs of history hoped that God would be glorified when the world had its way. (And just look at the explosion of Christianity in the times when the church has been persecuted!)

I didn't get to help much this morning with the clean up, because the police came to look and Dinislam quickly put me in a car to leave. (I have come to enjoy quietly sneaking by the police. Of whom shall I be afraid?) But even that was a blessing because I'm at Din's house with internet right now, so I can tell you about it :)

A few messages for certain people:

Kent - would you mind sending an email to the Russia team/ Global Outreach dept about this? The church needs prayer and funding desperately. And I know Dinislam could use some encouragement from us - his ministry partners in Nashville!!

Anna - I know this is totally off topic, but story: the other day I reached up to touch my locket and it was gone. Only the chain was around my neck. I just thought 'at least it's lost somewhere in Russia...thats cool right?' But then I get home and set my purse on the floor. A couple minutes later I go to get my purse and guess what's laying beside it on the ground? Yep, the locket. God is crazy, huh? :)

Cory - you would not believe the encouragement, conviction, and eternal perspective I received from the comment you left on my last post. The Spirit of God is on you, my friend, and I'm so grateful for it. Thank you for speaking truth. I needed it so badly.

Mom - tell Dad sorry I couldn't call on Fathers Day. I'm trying! And give the fam a kiss for me.

What else...

Thanks again for your prayers. I know I say that so often, and it's so cliche, but honestly there are moments when the knowledge that you are praying is a big factor in what keeps me going. I can say today (although I could not last week...I will admit) that it is not the ONLY encouragement I have. The Lord has been pursuing me with His promises, strength, love, conviction, and hope so faithfully. It's a beautiful thing to have Him be my biggest and clearest source of encouragement and joy, and not my emails/fb messages/phone calls from home. Yeah, it sucks sometimes to have such limited communication, but this is place I'm in now is a result of it. I feel like I'm beginning to hear from Him directly - from Scripture and prayer straight into my soul - instead of ONLY indirectly through people.

And believe me, this is only because of His pursuit of me. I am wayyyy too weak to seek Him on my own. The past two weeks have shown me that.

Today I will go to the orphanage with Inna. Then I will go visit Vanera - the Karachai girl who likes to have me over for English conversation. I'm unsure why, but I feel renewed today, a renewed sense of purpose and hope for what will come out of these small ministries. It can only be the grace of God. I am the same selfish sinner that I was a few days ago when I cried all day because I want to go home! Ha.

Lord, give me an increasingly eternal perspective. Glorify yourself through what has happened in New Life church, like you glorified yourself through the death of the martyrs. Continue to pursue my weak, lonely, selfish heart and use my weakness to magnify your strength. I am comforted by the knowledge that you prefer to use the broken, the sinner, the humble one, over the one who has it all together. What a Gospel of grace.