Idle and Blessed

So this morning I woke up tired. I've been tired all day. I would go to bed early but Michelle is getting ready to go out, so there is hairspray, music, and makeup galore in our room. I decided to escape to Sarah's room for some facebook/blog/Bible time, so here I am. But back to my story. After my 9:00 class I tried to nap, but couldn't fall asleep. I sat up, climbed down from my bunk, and (surprise, surprise) got on my laptop. No sooner did I enter the blogosphere than Matthew Paul Turner's posts surrounded my heart and took all the oxygen out of the room. If you've never encountered his blog, click on his name above and have a look. Matthew is in Uganda with World Vision right now, mourning the situation of thousands of suffering Africans, while I'm sitting at my desk angry because I'm tired. Tired. Really? What's going on in Africa is horrible, it is , I thought to myself. But I don't have $35 a month to do what he's asking. I can't spon...

It's been a while since I've wanted to post. I guess life's just been settling back into routine here at school, focusing on classes and friends and whatnot. Just chuggin' along! I do have some prayer requests, however. My Russia summer internship application is coming very slowly, and I'm still waiting on my reference letters. I'm getting a little impatient, because I'll need to start the business visa process really soon, and in order to do that I have to know if I'm going! So if you will, please pray for PATIENCE, for my application to come together THIS WEEK, and for the Lord's ANOINTING to rest on all involved in this wonderful idea and dream. Also, I need to learn RUSSIAN before May! At least, I need to have a basic grasp of it. Natasja will teach me in the mornings while I'm there, but it's important to me to have a good head start so I can communicate right away. Pray for the opportunity to show itself...I have no idea how I'm goi...

Today life has been a million miles an hour, every emotion flourishing. I've been so good at feeling them and naming them and coming to terms with them. Joy. Nostalgia. Contentment. Fear. Excitement. Loneliness. Pain. Sadness. Calm. No anger today, though. It's strange. Winter break ended, and so far, my rage has ended with it. But I miss him like crazy. Every time my phone buzzes I think it's him for a split second. Every license plate I see I read, like he does. Everyone who asks me how my break was gets a blank answer. I had a dream about him last night. I dreamt that he asked me out and I said no. I know I'm doing the right thing. I know I'm in the place I need to be in. I know this is right, it just hurts is all. On another note, school started today and it was wonderful. I'm so much more connected here than in Spring Hill, I laugh and learn and walk and talk. I adore Christian Doctrine (Steve is the best professor since Judy!) and believe it or not, I ador...

Chelsea posted some little letters recently and I just HAD to copy the idea! :) So here are some of my own, little letters from me to things I encountered today. Dear Betty Crocker, thank you for making a gluten free cookie mix. It made my day. Dear CALEB, I'm so glad your favorite color is "all of them that I know." I quite agree with you. Dear, dear RUE 21, don't ever get rid of your 99 cent undies bin! Dear Dooney and Burke purse, I'm sorry I almost got another purse today. I take it back. Dear BELmont, I miss you! Save me a warm secluded spot in my favorite part of the Beaman. Dear Fellowship Songs cd, you carried me into the presence of Jesus today. Dear SLOWWW driver on Beechcroft at 8:02pm, I'm really glad I was behind you. You showed me that I can be slow to anger... and that I'm not there yet. Dear Girl Talk, make a new cd!!!!!! Dear SPRINGTIME, you are my favorite season and I miss you, and you better come soon! Dear Spring Hill, you are beautifu...

Anna says its the anger phase. Why, yes, I guess I can see that. After being angry at every human I've talked to in the past month, I guess it's safe to say I'm in an anger phase. It's not hard for me to see how I got here. I used to think rage was dangerous, damaging, wrong. For some reason it's ingrained in me to suppress rage (And as with most things, I point to my childhood to explain this). I've always thought that if I show anger, I'll ruin relationships, close people off, cause undue tension. I've always thought accepting things and taking the brunt of life's blows was the honorable thing to do. But it's okay to be angry. It's okay to feel wronged. I have a right to be upset when the world doesn't go as it should -- God's angry about that too. And even if what I'm feeling is wrong, it's not wrong to admit it, to feel it, to sit in it. Slowly the Lord will change my heart, but not until I acknowledge what's in it. An...

...is for being intentional. ...is for wrapping up loose ends. ...is for listening to the only Wise One, who has better things for me. ...is for listening. ...is for loving people in their imperfections, not expecting them to be otherwise. ...is for acknowledging and embracing the chaos of life. ...is for writing a better story with my life. Don Miller's new book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years is changing my life. I just finished it and started again; it's one of THOSE books. It's teaching me that the elements of story that apply to books, movies, and tv apply to lives as well. A good life needs what a good movie needs: A character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it. The point is the character arc, how the story changes the person living it. Every good story is this way. How easily we run from conflict. How easily we give up. How easily we doubt that any good can come of suffering. But suffering means things aren't right, things went wrong someho...

Hail the heav'n-born Prince of Peace! Hail the Son of Righteousness! Light and life to all He brings Ris'n with healing in His wings Mild He lays His glory by Born that man no more may die Born to raise the sons of earth Born to give them second birth Hark! The herald angels sing "Glory to the newborn King!" It's my favorite carol this year. Born to raise the sons of Earth! Born to give them second birth! Knee bent before us, offering a life together more abundant than any dream we might treasure. Confession: I still treasure some. I'm listening to London by Brandon Heath. I think I'm kicking and screaming in this London, fighting to be with my King and not injure myself running from Him. There's so much conflict. This I should expect, because the closer I lean into my King the more His enemy will hate me. But "Denial seems to be the word that makes it all go away." I deny because I am so worried about protecting myself and protecting others,...